Christina and Uriah collect me from my dorm before we get ready to head out of the city. The others are leaving separately so it isn't too suspicious. It feels odd, leaving so suddenly. What's out there doesn't faze me as much as the actual idea of leaving what I called my home - where the bad and good memories share an equal place. The city is dangerous, and we've outstayed our time here. Divergents like me, Uriah, Tris and many others are wanted outside to help cure those beyond our fence. I'm ready to leave my old life because a whole new one awaits. As I walk down the hallways of the Erudite building behind Uriah and Christina, I can't help but to think of how different things would be if Marlene and Lynn were here, ready to escape. I picture Marlene clinging to Uriah's arm as they take their last few steps in the city, slipping him a sly kiss. I imagine Lynn and I gagging and scowling at the pair, making fun of them behind their backs.
I can feel my stomach grow heavy and my eyes threaten to water, but no emotion is physically visible. I've concealed my feelings for so long they're almost nonexistent. If it's a good or bad thing, I don't know, but I can't let my petty emotions get the best of me when one of the most important events in my whole life is about to take place. I barely realise we've left the compound and entered an alley until a chilly breeze dances through my hair and tickles my skin. Up ahead, a few people stand clustered together. When we near this group I see Adam, AJ, Zeke, Tris, Peter, Cara and Tori.
"Good, you're all here," Adam whispers even though nobody is around. He hands the three of us our guns. I slip mine in the waistband of my jeans, next to my pocket knife. Adam then looks to me and smiles. His face is extremely pale, and I don't know if that's because of the weather or his sickness. "Look after yourself out there, Piper. I love you." I look at him completely dumbstruck until I realised this is his way of saying goodbye.
"Oh, okay." I reply awkwardly. "Well... bye." What else am I meant to say, get well soon, love you loads, thanks for everything? I spin on my heel and face the person behind me - Zeke. He had just finished hugging his brother and he was now grinning toothily at me.
"Alright, child, I guess this is bye for now," he opens his arms out wide.
"Child? Who the fuck do you think you are?" I scowl as I punch his chest. He winced slightly, bringing his hands to his chest.
"I take that back," he groans. I laugh, enveloping Zeke towards me. He hugs me softly, chuckling. "Tell Shauna and Hector I said goodbye. And look after everyone." I pull away and beam. My eyes then travel to AJ, who is behind behind Zeke. Zeke turns and looks at my twin and turns back to me. "Including him."
"I'm sorry you haven't made up, P." He puts a hand on my shoulder. Another thing that fazes me is that I'm leaving my twin brother without even making up with him. I could die on this journey, knowing that he hates me. While I look at AJ, I want to burst out crying to make him want to forgive me and send me off with a hug and comforting words, but that's pure weakness. He hates me. End of. That's exactly what I say to Zeke, my eyes still on my twin. "AJ can't hate you forever. He hasn't told me - or anyone, actually - but we both know he cares."
Zeke bids me one last goodbye before we have to leave. When the group of us exiting the city finally start walking out the alley, I catch one last glance at AJ. Through the darkness I see his blue eyes set on my identical ones, an unreadable emotion hidden in his irises. Out of nowhere, he runs up to me and pulls me towards him, hugging me so tightly I can't breath. "AJ," I say breathlessly.
"Shut up." He whispers, burying his head in the crook of my neck. "I hate you." His words make a small giggle escape my lips.
"I love you too." He lets go of me and turns away without another word. When I rejoin the group I feel everyone smirking at me slightly. I can't help but to smile broadly, AJ's only act of brotherly love towards me having a bigger than necessary impact upon me. Zeke was right. He can't hate me for long.
***
It's decided from when we're standing at the tracks that we're to get on the train separately, just for some alone time. Somehow, I ended up on a carriage with Peter who I thought ended up on the carriage in front. Like usual, I sit with my legs swinging out of the train car. Peter sits a few feet away from me with his hands running through his hair. Four is going to meet us on the train once he collects Caleb - more like kidnap as he's rescuing him from being executed for his crimes against the factionless. Despite all he's done to Tris she still wanted to save him - it's a sibling thing, I guess.
I glance over at Peter and find he's staring at me. Shifting uncomfortably, I warp my arms around my body and kick my legs back and forth to distract myself from his piercing eyes. I can't stop thinking about breakfast, when we were about to kiss. And I think he can't stop thinking about it either. He almost had me but I snapped into reality and pushed him away. The thought exhausts me, even though I haven't done anything yet except contemplate life while sitting upon this train. "Piper," Peter says. "Look, I'm sorry about that... thing earlier. I didn't want to - I mean -"
"Shut up, you know I don't like your apologies," I say seriously, however I add a light chuckle to brighten it. "But... don't try it again. You know I can't..."
"I know." He nods. "How are you?"
Honestly, I don't want to talk to him about how I feel, but he's only trying to be polite. "I try not to think about it anymore," I respond. "But leaving the city only makes me think of how we could have done it together, the five of us. What about you, and your mother? How are you both feeling after your father...?"
"Thanks for being the first person to ask," he scoffs slightly.
"What do you mean?"
"No one cares to be honest," he shrugs. "People know, but don't ask."
"Not even AJ?"
"I don't think he knew."
I bite my lip and look to my lap. A feeling of resentment to everyone rises up in me. Peter's human. He's done bad things to hurt people - maybe more than usual. And he's just lost his father. How can you not at least feel a bit of sympathy towards him? I stand up and quickly stride towards Peter, sitting opposite him. He looks at me, as if to ask what I'm doing. I don't know what I'm doing either - all of this is out of a fit of rage. Even the words that come out of my mouth are a part of my anger outburst. "Hey, I care. Even if they don't. You should know that. I've cared even when I said I didn't."
The corner of his lip twitches. "Thanks, Piper." I don't regret telling Peter how I feel. Getting that little bit of my chest makes me feel lighter - a step closer to happiness.
YOU ARE READING
Holding On||Peter Hayes (Divergent)
Fanfiction"When will it end?" I say in a small, weak voice. "All this... dying, murder, feud... I'm sick of it." "Me too," he agrees. "We just have to hold on, don't we?" I look at Peter. "That's the worse part, holding on," I sigh. "I wanna let go." *** Pi...
