Holding On||Peter Hayes (Divergent)

Chapter 58

Peter's POV

Ever since I met Piper, I've realised what a horrid person I can be. It didn't stop me from doing all things I've done, however. It didn't stop me from driving a butterknife through Edward's eye. He's now dead. It didn't stop me from attacking Tris with Al and Drew. Tris was so angry, it made Al kill himself. It didn't stop me from betraying Piper, Four, Tris and Caleb and giving them away to the Erudite. That made them loose all respect for me. It didn't stop me from from hurting the girl I loved. I'm luck to have Piper back, but I know it won't be the same anymore. She knows what I'm capable of, yet she still chooses me. She doesn't deserve me. If I restart everything, maybe we'll have a better chance of having a steady relationship. Maybe she'll forget the person who I was and focus on the real me. Maybe I would have a better chance of making friends. Maybe my life won't be as bad as it has been for sixteen years. 

How am I going to do that? Memory serum.

Earlier, I tried to get some off of Four, but he denied. "Not until you get AJ." He was planning to give it to his mother to reset her. And so I had to leave the memory serum and go to the Erudite headquarters with Four. We split up once we were inside, and I went on my search for Piper's brother. Everything looked the same, I noticed, jogging down glass corridors and scaling the stairs. It was easy to navigate myself to my old dwelling I shared with AJ and his father. When I pushed open to door I saw AJ standing in the middle of the room, looking as though he was about to head out.

"Hey," I said. AJ raised his eyebrows, walking towards me.

"Peter," he begins, completely stunned. "What - why - where -"

"Look, I don't have time for all that 'how have you been' shit. Sit down and let me talk." AJ, still stunned, sits upon the nearest bed. I sit on the one opposite and explain as quickly as I can. "Outside the fence we met these people from a place called the Bureau of Genetic Welfare. They are in control of our city which is some sort of social experiment set up years ago. Because of all the conflict, they're going to use the Abnegation memory serum to reset the whole experiment. I need to inoculate you against it and take you back outside the city."

AJ looks at me, processing the information. "I know it's a lot to take in, AJ, but I need you to understand before I tell you anything else." He nods, which I think means that he understands. "Back at the Bureau, there was an explosion. Piper and Uriah were victims of the blast. Piper is okay, but she sustained broken ribs that punctured her lung. She's out of hospital now." AJ's face went from horrified to relaxed.

"Are you sure she's okay?" He asks.

"Yeah, I was with her nearly every single second when she was in hospital," I give him a small smile, but that fades away once I have to give AJ the news about Uriah. "Uriah... his head was hurt really badly. They have him on a life support machine, but... he isn't going to wake up. They're going to switch off the machine. I'm sorry, AJ."

His face drops. I can see his eyes become glassy and his cheeks blaze a bright red. "What?" He says, so quietly.

"A group of us have come back to tell you and Uriah's family," I explain. "I'm so sorry." AJ shakes his head, bringing the heels of his hands to his eyes before tears could fall. "Look, I have to inoculate you now, alright?" He doesn't do anything. I stand up and take a black box out of my jacket pocket, opening it and taking out the syringe. I ready it at AJ's neck and inject him. He doesn't flinch, or hiss, or react. His eyes are trained ahead of him, focused on an unknown point.

"Come on, AJ," I say. He stand up and follows me out of the room. We walk in complete silence. I don't try and say anything. I let AJ try and take in all the information I hastily provided him just so I can get my hands on the serum. We reach the hallway leading to the library and I stop walking. AJ sinks to his knees beside the wall and stares to the ground, a grave look upon his face.

"Adam," he begins shaking. "He's dead too." I stare at AJ, shocked. His stepfather's dead? "He - he passed in his sleep. He was getting weak and his liver was getting to the point where it could've killed him. He's dead now."

"Oh God... how do you feel?"

"I'm not sad, but I've known him for a while, you know?" AJ looks up. "He's still a bad person, but I can't be glad he's dead."

"I'm sorry," I utter.

"Don't be," AJ replies.

***

Four joins us later. He gives AJ a sympathetic smile and then turns to me. "Did you inoculate him?"

I nod. "Did you reset Evelyn, then?"

"No," he replies.

"Didn't think you'd have the nerve," I say.

"It's not about nerve." Four snaps. "You know what? Whatever." He then holds up the vial of memory serum I wanted. "Are you still set on this?"

"What?" AJ exclaims. Shit. I look to AJ and see his eyes wide with shock. "What the fuck do you think you're doing?"

I stare at AJ for a while. How do I explain to him? How do I tell him it's not what it looks like - who am I kidding, it is. But it's for the best. It's for everyone I know. It's so I don't have to live with what I've done. No one understands what it's like to live with debts as heavy as mine. It's my choice. It's my life. I'm doing this. "I'm resetting myself."

"You can't do that!" AJ yells, his voice laced in anger.

"Why not?" I ask defensively. "You're not the one who had to live with the things I've done. It's not like anyone will care."

"What about Piper? I'm sure as hell she still cares, no matter how many times she denies it." Piper. I'm doing this for myself and her. I'm resetting myself so we can have a better life together. She's want me to make myself a better life. She'll help me. "Peter, you two have been through so much, and she needs you right now with - with Uriah..." he takes in a deep breath. "Did you even think to tell her?" I shake my head. "I can't have you hurting my sister again."

"AJ's right," Four nods. "You need to talk to her."

"She won't mind!" I exclaim.

"You're only saying that because you're selfish and don't understand that you both need each other at the moment," Four says sternly. "Get up, and let's go... asshole."

This chapter is the worst one I've written 😂😭 The book is coming to an end now, and I'm actually quite sad as I've enjoyed writing this so much. Anyways, my birthday is in two days and I'm updating them definitely. Have a lovely day/night! ❤️