Clean // Niall Horan Fan Fiction

Chapter Six

Niall shifted awkwardly in his chair as he waited for his father to meet him on the terrace. He had been dreading this conversation, and now he was going to have it. His lip was taken between his teeth as his dad came to sit in front of him.

Nothing was said as his father eyed him, neither really wanting to have this conversation, but waiting to see who would talk first. Deciding it was best his father talk he leaned back in the chair as if telling him that he was backing down. "Do you know what the magazines are saying about you?" His father asked and Niall nodded. "So it's true, you're drinking and driving?" Niall nodded once again.

"It was a mistake, I know I messed up, I'm sorry." Niall said looking at the table. He didn't know what else to say, he made a mistake- that unfortunately happened twice- but no one would let it go.

"Do you think, that you, uh, have a problem?" His father stumbled on his words. It was evident that this was not his department. The feelings, and talking of feelings wasn't something his father did. He would tell you when you did good, he would tell you when you messed up, but he wasn't the one you would go to for a heart to heart.

"No." he answered shaking his head profusely. "It was a mistake, I'm not an alcoholic!" He practically shouted. His father's facial expression stayed indifferent and that seemed to only piss Niall off more.

"Niall, what you're doing to yourself isn't okay. Maybe you should talk to someone." His father suggested and Niall shook his head again.

"I don't need therapy." Niall said sharply. Why would his father even ask him something like that? He was going through a rough patch, sure, but he didn't need therapy.

"You need something, you've been acting like this ever since.." His father's voice faltered and Niall watched as his features washed over with sadness. "Niall, you have to accept that she isn't coming back." His tone soft. He didn't put it together until now, not seeing- maybe not wanting to believe- that Niall's drinking was connected to the accident, until now.

"Stop!" Niall said shaking his head. Niall's heart began to beat harder, he felt like it was going to burst in his chest. This wasn't okay, he wasn't supposed to let it in. Block it out, block it out! His mind screamed at him, but he didn't know how. Getting to his feet he let the chair screech against the concrete before saying that he needed to leave.

His legs carried him to his car and from there he drove home. He tried so hard to make it stop, the feelings, the pain. He didn't want this to happen, he wasn't ready.

Niall pulled into his house and got inside as fast as he could. The first place he thought to go was the kitchen, there wasn't another thought in his mind other than to drink. So when he made his way to the kitchen, opening the cabinet that he had full of liquor- truth be told he had been meaning to get rid of them- he didn't think twice before twisting the cap off and tossing his head back. The burn that filled his throat was something he'd grown accustomed to. He drank more, inviting the feeling to fill his body.

He drank more and more, sip after sip, but his thoughts didn't stop. Instead they kept coming, filling his head and staying, torturing him with every swig of the bottle. Letting out a scream, he sank down to the ground, slumping against the cabinet under the sink. His fingers wound themselves into the root of his hair as he pulled fiercely. He wanted to avoid this, feeling only brought him pain. His mind let him remember as the tears fell from his face.

Jillian tied her hair atop her head, passing through the groups of people walking around campus. She kept her head down, trying to get out as fast as possible. All she wanted was to go back home, crawl under her covers and sleep the rest of the day away.