Clean // Niall Horan Fan Fiction

Chapter Twenty Eight

"Alright, that's it." Jillian's aunt says walking into the house. Jillian looks up from her spot in the couch and over to her aunt was walking into the house. Jillian turned her attention back to the tv. Suddenly Jillian's aunt comes over to where Jillian is sitting and takes the remote from her hand.

"I was watching that." Jillian says sitting up and looking at her aunt. All her aunt does is roll her eyes and shake her head.

"You've been doing the same thing for weeks Jill, unless you're piercing your face or adding crazy colours to your hair you don't leave this damn couch. When's the last time you've been to class?" Her aunt crosses her arms staring pointedly at her. Jillian huffs, falling back into the couch.

"Break started two days ago." Jillian groaned closing her eyes. Sure she hadn't gone to classes in two weeks, but she'd been trying to do her work from home, sending in whatever bits  and pieces she could in order to not drop all of her grades. And as far as her nose piercing went Jillian loved it, it made her independent, she could look at it and say she didn't need anyone, at least she hoped that one day she could. But the blue dye she had put into her hair, well that, that was just totally cool.

"Jillian there's something going on with you and I'm done waiting around for you to tell me." She said taking a seat at the edge of the coffee table. Jillian played with her fingers holding her breath. She wasn't sure she was ready to talk about it, she already knew she was an idiot for letting Niall go, she  didn't need her aunt to confirm this for her.

"Niall and I got into a fight." Jillian muttered keeping her eyes fixed on the wall. She listened as she let out a small sigh, Jillian looked over at her aunt who stared back her wearing a soft expression.

"What happened, how long have you two been fighting?"

"I left about two and a half weeks ago and we haven't talked since." She says looking at her aunt. Jillian sits up in her seat crossing her legs before licking her lips. "Niall told me he loved me." She says watching as her aunts eyes light up and a smile sweeps across her face.

"Jill that's great!" She replies but Jillian shakes her head. "You don't feel the same way?"

"No, I-I don't know what I feel. I've been trying to figure all of this out and I can't."

"You know how you feel Jillian, and whatever it is you can't avoid it. If you love him tell him and if you don't, you should still tell him because that boy, he's waiting for you Jill, don't leave him behind."

"I don't even know what love is Kelly. I have no idea what love is supposed to feel like and I don't want to hurt him!" Jillian practically yells the words at her aunt. Her voice is rough but there's a weight lifted off of her, it wasn't fully gone but she felt a lot better.

"Jillian, love isn't just a feeling, it's a choice. The two go hand and hand, you have to allow love into your life before you can truly know what it feels like." Her aunts words sank into her head, caused her to think about a lot of different things all at once. Her mom, her dad, Jess, her aunt and uncle, Niall. Nearly everyone she knew ran threw her thoughts. Her head fell into her hands and she let out a chocked sob before getting to her feet.

"I'm going to fix this, I swear I am."

**

It seemed silly to think that the internet could help her figure out this situation. But yet here she was sitting at her laptop typing in stupid words trying to figure out what the hell was wrong with her.

Love: (N.)

1. An intense feeling of deep affection.

2. A person or thing that one loves.

(V.)

1. Feel a deep romantic or sexual attachment to someone.

Jillian scratched her jaw reading the words over and over again. There definitely was an intense feeling she got when it came to Niall. But was this love? She thought about how she felt when she's without him, how she feels right now. Slowly she typed in the word emptiness.

Emptiness: (N.)

1. The state of containing nothing.

2. The quality of lacking meaning or sincerity.

She definitely felt as if she contained nothing. For the past two weeks she's been making lousy attempts to do things without Niall coming into her mind. Empty would be the only word that she could describe herself at the time being.

Shaking her head she gets to her feet, slipping on whatever shoes she can find. Then she grabs her coat and runs down the stairs. "Can I use your keys?" Jillian asks her uncle whose sitting at the kitchen table playing a board game with Jess.

"Where are you going?" Jess asks looking up at her.

"I gotta take care of something really fast I'll be back." Jillian says turning her attention between the two of them bouncing from one leg to the other. He hands her the keys muttering something about not doing drugs and Jillian nearly snorts from laughing so hard.

The roads are snowy, and Jillian bites her lip as she drives. She hates driving in the snow, some silly irrational fear she's always had but she keeps her focus on the road and before she knows it, she's at Niall's house. When she gets out of the car she lets out a few swear words wondering why she chose to wear her old converse that she's had since God knows when, and rolling her eyes at the fact that her socks were now wet.

When Jillian got to the door her hands began to shake. She knocked on the door but there wasn't an answer. "Niall!" She yelled, knocking on the door. "C'mon, I see your car." She yelled again brushing her hands on her jeans. She knocked again and finally the door opened but the person who she expected to see standing there wasn't. "Harry? What're you doing here?"

"Oh I come over and do laundry. I don't have a washing machine. Since Niall's been gone a few days I decided to come by." Harry said leaning against the door frame.

"Where is he?"

"He's back home with his family. After you guys, well you know, he said he needed a break." Harry said softly. Jillian took a deep breath, her throat tightening.

"Fuck! Ireland, shit. I can't, shit!" Jillian wanted to cry, this couldn't be happening to her. If she hadn't been such an idiot this wouldn't be happening.

She looked up to see Harry with a solemn expression written on his face. "You really messed the kid up. I should be mad at you," Harry shook his head raking his fingers through his hair. 

"I know, okay. I-I'm sorry, I just, I need him here, I need to see him." She stammered putting her palm to her forehead. "I'm trying to fix this. I have to fix this." She muttered to herself. Running her fingers through her hair she got off of the porch running back to her car. She had to make this right, she had to go to Ireland.