Underground

68

"Why are you still up, baby?"
I set down the last of the presents and looked up at Joel, leaning against the door frame. After hours of watching the boys do everything that Elizabeth commanded and wrapping presents everyone faded into doing their own activities. "Tomorrow is Christmas Eve," I said softly.

"Yes it is. I have to think of what to cook for Christmas dinner," he mumbled as he walked over to me smiling. "But why do I get the feeling you are as happy as you should be about Christmas?"

Why wasn't I happy about Christmas? "Christmas in my house was never a happy time. My sister and I did what we could to make the most of Christmas but it always ended up being about her."

"Her?" he asked settling behind me on the floor, pulling the quilt off the couch and wrapping me in his arms.

I nodded, "My mother. Before the twins were born my mother was a beacon of life. Everything had a song and step to what she did. I dont remember much about my life before we moved to New York but there was something about how my mother viewed life that made everything seem ok."

"And your father?"

"My father? I don't remember him..." I chuckled bitterly. "Ma always said I reminded her of him. That I was his twin and he would be proud of me. She said that right before she would beat me."

Joel frowned but he didn't move, "Your mother was abusive?"

"She couldn't handle New York. After the twins she met some guy who introduced her to the hard shit. She abused drugs and then abused us. The holidays were the worse," I looked up at him. "Coming to London was by chance and if I could I would go back to New York and get my sisters and brother...I'm sitting here living in a mansion and going to fancy parties while they probably still live in that horrible house with that man. Maybe one day I can fix my mother too...so she can get that song again." Joel's arms tightened around me like a force field that was supposed to keep me in and everyone else out. Who was I to have people who treated me like family? To be wanted so much that they would jump in front of a bullet for me? To have a man at my side to hold me like this. Up until a few months ago I was a waitress who lived in a rundown hotel. A nobody.

"You are strong. You knew that life wasn't what you wanted and you did something about it," Joel's voice rumbled.

"I ran."

"Because one of you had to leave in order to secure a future for the others. I'm sure that's why you're sister sent you instead of leaving herself because she knew you would get it done," Joel kissed the side of my head. "I'm sure the second you get the chance to go get them you will and they will be welcomed here with open arms just like you were."

"You don't know them-"

"They are your siblings and an extention of you. What's not to know?" he questioned. "They are family."

I put my head down to hide the tears that threatened to spill over but I already knew that Joel would feel my shoulders tremble and hear my thoughts. Why is this feeling of being cared about and wanted so foreign? I've cried more around these people then I have my entire life. I always had to be the strong one, the protector and provider along with my sister. I don't know what it's like to feel like this. One of his hands reached up and pressed gently against my temple making me lay my head on his chest. "Let me do my job as a man, Justine. Let me handle the things you can't. All you need to do is wake up next to me in the morning and I will handle the rest," he said. "Need me."

Damn this man. I held onto him as I started sobbing and he just held me tighter while he whispered in my ear. God, I don't know what I did to be wanted like this...but thank you.

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(Song listened to for this chapter: Look into your heart - Jordan Sparks)