Markiplier Smuts II

Practice Pt. 1

A/N: I don't own the music, and I'm not looking to profit from it. Please don't sue, I can't afford a good lawyer ;)

MARK

(Y/N) has really been pulling away from me a lot lately. I might be vain,but I think it's because she likes me. She's just never around me alone anymore and that's never been her. Ever since we've been friends she has treated me like a brother. She stayed glued to my side, and I never acted like it meant something to me, but it did. I liked getting attention from her. She was special to me, and it's killing me that she's running off like she is. She barely even responds to my messages. A normal person would say that's a sure sign I need to leave her alone, but to me,it means something different and I don't know why, but I have to find out. I feel like I'm losing my friend. I wish I knew where she worked...I'd go by and see her. She'd be forced to talk to me because she can't dash out of work...oh well. I guess I'd better text her again.

YOU

Mark is too good for me. He's too nice, he's too funny, and he's too smart. I've ruined myself anyway by being with so many other men. He would think I'm slutty and gross. I should just segregate myself from him before he finds out who and what is in my background. I hate myself. 

Yeah, that's my morning pep talk. Every single day I get out of bed and recite that message to myself in a hail Mary attempt to get rid of my feelings for him. Is it working? No.  Nothing is. I've been deeply captivated by him since the moment we met. Every other guy I've been with has been a substitute. I pretend he's Mark. I can't help it,that's just the way I feel. The problem is, I am NOT good at expressing my feelings and I know that I have a dirty background. Mark doesn't. He's pretty much always been a stellar guy. He'd hate me if he really knew me. He keeps texting and calling me and I feel so awful for ignoring it, but what else can I do? I have no chance with him as far as I'm concerned. He just could never love someone like me. A knock on my door interrupted my pity party. I looked through the peephole. It was Mark. I was cornered. I knew he knew I was here...he'd probably never go away if I didn't answer. I cracked the door open a bit. "Hi." I squeaked. "Are you gonna let me in (y/n)? I think we should talk." My heart sank. He sounded concerned but namely unhappy. "Alright." I said, flatly, opening the door. He casually strolled in, looking as good as ever. I sat down on my couch. He sat right next to me. My nerves reacted and I bolted into a different seat. He looked at me, confused. "What's wrong? What did I do?" he asked. "You've been avoiding me a LOT lately." I looked away nervously. "Nothing, Mark. You did nothing." I said. Mark didn't accept that answer. "No, really. What I do? I know you're not too busy..." He was right. "It's not you, it's me." "Classic line, (y/n). But that answers nothing." I froze in my spot. "I have no idea what you want me to say." I said, still looking away. "The truth is a good place to start." Mark said. I sighed heavily. "It's really nothing. I'm sorry I haven't really been myself lately...but I assure you it's not you." We were both quiet. "Who is it then? What is it?" I was quiet. "It's just me. I'm not doing so hot right now." "Why?" I was beginning to get frustrated. It had nothing to do with him, but I really didn't know how to convey my true feelings. I really am NOT good at it. "What's wrong? You can tell me anything." He was persistent. "I really don't have anything to say." Mark looked mad...and hurt. "Well, fine then. I guess I'll just watch the person who is arguably my closest female friend slip away from me." The words stung and I wanted to protest, but I couldn't. I simply had nothing to say. I knew Mark just wanted to help, but there was no way for him to help me. He stood. "Come over tonight (y/n). I can tell there's some stuff that you need to say. A lot of stuff. I don't think you're ready right now...so I'll give you about 5 hours to think about it." He left without another word. I felt so awful inside but there really was nothing I could do to make anything better at the moment. I looked at the time. 5pm was in 5 hours. I decided to go and see Mark. At least I could see him one last time instead of leaving him thinking that I randomly decided to hate him and took off running in the other direction. I passed the time by rehearsing my lines over and over and over again. Looking in the mirror telling myself that there was no way no how that I'd ever make myself his. By the time 5 rolled around, I was ready to go. I went to Mark's, driving like I was in a funeral procession. It was a death march as far as I was concerned. I quietly knocked on the door, and Mark answered. "I'm glad you came." he said, inviting me in. "At least I know there's something inside of you that makes you care at least a bit for me." Those words stung too. I knew that this confrontation was my fault. I slumped down on his couch and he sat directly across from me. "Spill it." Mark said, pouring himself some coffee. "I know there's something wrong right now." He was right. Through my own agony I looked at him and managed to put out a few words.