Waves {h.s.}

thirty-four - tie

A/N: please read the note at the end, I have a somewhat important question :)

...

I don't think I had ever been in such a long and silent car ride. We were staying at a hotel that was literally ten minutes away from the church, and yet, it felt as if it took us an hour to get there.

From the moment that we got in the car, I could feel the tension. We didn't even turn on the radio to try and ease our nerves, we didn't even say a word to each other. Harry had his eyes fixated on the road and his hands on the wheel. He was holding it so tightly that his knuckles had turned white.

At this point, I didn't think that there was anything I could do to help him. I wish I would've said something, but I couldn't think of anything that could make him feel better that I hadn't told him a thousand times already. And with every second of silence that went by, it became harder and harder to speak.

After what felt like an eternity, we finally arrived in the parking lot of the church. We parked away from the door and I knew that Harry had thought about it all. He didn't want to be spotted, he didn't want to face his family, not until he was actually ready to do so.

We were 30 minutes early, but at a wedding that was considered as cutting it close. I knew it was intentional on Harry's part. I knew this city, knew the streets and knew the best ways to get to a point, just as much as Harry did. So I knew that Harry hadn't taken the quickest route to the church. I didn't comment on it, didn't feel the need to do it.

The second that Harry turned the engine off, he released a long sigh as he looked ahead. I turned to face him and grabbed his hand between mine.

"I can't do this," he mumbled before turning his head away from me.

I squeezed his hand softly. "Of course you can, babe."

It was the only thing that I was able to tell him. It was so lame and I was sure that it didn't help him at all, but I didn't know what else to say. I couldn't find the right words to encourage him because I felt as if he was going to feel forced to go, that it would hurt him too, but that he would do it for me.

"You don't have to do anything that you don't want to do Harry," I reassured him. "We're doing this for you, we can leave whenever you want, we can avoid everyone and just go and see the ceremony. Whatever you want."

He nodded but didn't turn his head to look at me. Instead, he moved his hand away from mine and slide it up and down his thigh, nervously.

"Everything is going to be ok, Harry," I whispered, looking at him with sad eyes.

I was hurting just by knowing that he was struggling. My heart felt tight in my chest and I felt like crying, but I couldn't let it show. This was Harry's fight; I wasn't allowed to be the weak one today. I had to be here for him, I had to be strong and let him know that I was here to support him. So I reached for his shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze, before getting my hand into his hair and brushing it away from his face.

He took in a shaky breath and then he bit his lower lip as he released it through his nose. As much as I tried to soothe him, every breath he took became a little more unstable, a little faster, a little shakier. It took me a second to realize that he was starting to panic.

Hurriedly, he reached for his tie and loosened it, hoping that it could help him breathe. Once I understood, I was quick to help him, and before he could do anything else, I was straddling him and grabbing his face between my hands.

"Look at me Harry," I pleaded as he tried to get out of my hold. "Please, Harry, just look at me. Just breathe with me, everything is going to be just fine," I tried again to reassure him.