Tough Love

Part 6: Comfort

Sal's POV

I didn't ever expect to be this nervous when talking to Q. But here I am, sitting on his sofa late at night, watching his anxious face as I try so hard to think of how I want this conversation to go. The atmosphere is very tense, something that I don't appreciate one little bit, as it only makes things harder.

Finally, Q breaks the taut silence. "What did you wanna talk about?"

I visibly and verbally sigh before attempting to look him directly in the eye to show how serious I am. "I'm just gonna say this outright; I'm not trying to start a fight. I'm simply trying to understand whatever's going on."

"Nothing's going on," he says quickly, making it very obvious that there is indeed something going on.

"Babe, I... Faith and I had a long, deep talk on the drive to her house." How it's possible for him to stiffen even more at my words is beyond me, but he does. But didn't he want us to talk and make up? He's so fucking confusing sometimes. "I... well first I'd like to say... I'm sorry. I'm sorry for how I've treated her and the situation." His eyebrows furrow together in confusion as he tries to process what I just said, so I continue. "As your boyfriend... I should trust you more, and I see now that she... well everything - it's not her fault - ugh fuck me!" My words stumble out of my mouth in random gibberish and I bury my face in my hands in embarrassment and frustration.

"Sal just spit it out. What do you think of her?"

An irritated groan escapes my throat before I can stop it. "I can't help but be jealous of her. I know that sounds fucked up because she's been through so much and is now pregnant and lives in a shitty house. I know that neither of you wanted any of this, but I hate that the baby belongs to the both of you... not you and me." My head raises up from my hands as I look to him; his eyes looking defeated, sorrowful, and depressed, and in that moment all I want is to hold him close and destroy everything that is causing him to be this way. Myself included, if necessary. "It should be our kid, our house, our family. That's all I've ever really wanted; it's all I'll ever need. I just... I just don't know how I'm going to cope with the fact that it's hers and not mine."

The gears turn rapidly in his head as he takes a minute to think and run his hands through his hair. When his gaze turns back to me, it seems that his mood has lifted just a little bit - not much, but there's something there that brings the tiniest sliver of light to his otherwise dark eyes. "Sal, she doesn't think she'll be a big part of the kid's life."

"W-what? What do you mean?"

"I mean she's giving me full custody. The two of us have had a couple long chats as well, but Faith knows that she can't support it. It will live here with me, and she won't even get weekends or anything like that."

"But... Bri, as much as I don't want her around, the kid needs a mom."

At that the sorrow returns to his eyes, but it's different; not like he's upset about the situation he's in, but more like he feels terrible for her. He shifts his weight on the couch, scooting to the edge to face me better. "Like I said, we've had our talks. The other night when she came over here, she stayed for fucking hours, and although she didn't go into detail about the things that Simon Williams put her through, I could tell that it's going to take a lot of therapy and a hell of a long time for her to recover mentally. I... I really don't want my kid around that, and neither does she, so we decided that it's best this way. But you are right; the kid needs two parents."

"So what are we going to do about that?"

"Well... I was hoping that you would uh... maybe move in with me?"

The question was one I'd been hoping would come up for quite some time, but it still takes me by surprise. And to be honest, I'm not sure I'm ready to move in with him. "Are you sure? 'Cause I really don't want to move in with you just because you need help with something. Moving in with your significant other is never something that should be rushed; it's something you both agree on when you both believe the time is right to make that step in your relationship."

"Sal, I think I've been ready."

"You think?"

"I don't know, I just feel like we've been together long enough-"

"Well I don't," I accidentally snap, and the hurt flashes in his eyes, immediately making me apologetic. "Okay I didn't mean to be so rude. But I don't feel ready, is what I was trying to say."

"Well what the fuck do you want then?" he exclaims in slight frustration. "You say you just want a happy life with me and possibly kids, and now that I'm offering that you don't want it."

"Babe please, I'm not trying to fight. Yes, I want those things, but... I don't know, it just kinda scares me now that it's staring me in the face."

Alright, I don't think I need to go over the whole conversation, because it's pretty much just us going back and forth repeating the same shit over and over, but eventually we just agree to disagree. Which leads me to the next topic.

Tired and a little irritated, I say "Well now that that's out of the way, I need to ask you something else."

"What now?" He looks like he was just about to get up and my statement obviously is preventing him from that.

"Sorry, but I just... I need to know. Do you... Are you comfortable with having sex anymore?" Aaaaaaaand cue the freeze. "I get it; you went through something horrible, and-"

"Did she tell you?" he asks so quietly that I almost miss the question.

"What?"

"Did she tell you? What happened, that is?"

I hesitate to try and see how he will react, but I can't even guess. "Yes, she did. She told me exactly what happened." My eyes tear up just thinking of him being hurt like that. "So please just be honest with me. Are you comfortable and if not then what do I have to do to help you?"

"Fuck I wish she didn't tell you..."

"Babe, I needed to know what's going on and you wouldn't tell me."

"That doesn't make it her fucking place to tell you!" he shouts.

"Please stop yelling, she didn't mean anything bad by it. I practically begged her to tell me, and I think it was also her way of getting it out of her system because I doubt she really has anyone to talk to. Now please answer my question."

"Of course I'm not fucking comfortable! And I have no idea how to make it better."

Suddenly I get an idea. "Bri, do you trust me?"

"What kind of a question is that? Yes I trust you!"

"Then let me try something." I don't wait for him to answer, instead I scoot closer to him on the couch until our legs are touching, then I lean in and our lips connect in a small, chaste kiss. The both of us close our eyes and exhale into the kiss; every tense muscle relaxing and all of our pent up emotions pouring out through the kiss. We both pull away briefly and just stare deeply into each other's souls, and I think we finally understand the other man entirely - or at least more than we have in a while. "Be honest, do you truly trust me?"

"Yes," he says in a breathy whisper.

"Then I need you to promise me something. I'm going to start making out with you, and maybe add some foreplay - don't worry, I won't try sex yet," I add when he tenses again. "But I need you to promise me that you will tell me as soon as it gets bad, and I won't continue. This is just to find out what you can and can't do, so that I won't mess up in the future and hopefully we can work past this together. Okay?"

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I'm sorry this took so long to come out, but I haven't had much time to write recently and I would rather take my time to write a good quality part than rush something that isn't that good. Hopefully this part shows that.

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