Tough Love

Part 14: Dr. Denair

Sal's POV

"Brian, I know this might be difficult to do, but could you tell us what happened that night?" We're still standing in my living room, and Brian is still freaking out a little. When I say that he gives me a panicked look and frantically shakes his head. "Could you tell me? I'm sure Murr and Joe wouldn't mind stepping out for a bit." Again, I get a no.

"You already know."

"Yeah, but I want you to tell me. I want to know your feelings and thoughts, and then maybe, just maybe, I can start to help you. Plus, getting it out of your system will help you, I promise."

"How the fuck will that help?! I don't want to remember that shit at all, let alone talk about it!"

I rest my hands on his shoulders. Normally these arms hold so much strength in them, but right now I feel like I could snap them like a twig. Looking into his eyes, I can see that he must feel the same way, and it scares him. It scares him that he's so incredibly vulnerable, because this is Brian "Q" Quinn, host of the "Tell 'Em Steve Dave" and "What Say You?" podcasts, and one of the four cornerstones of The Tenderloins and Impractical Jokers TV show. This forty year old man has survived so many life experiences, including being engaged and then dumped. He's fought countless fires that have hospitalized him on numerous occasions, and suffered severe brain infections that could very well have taken his life. He's saved hundreds of people and brought happiness to millions. And this one thing has brought all of that - every defense, every wall, and every staircase that he's built to get him to this point in life - it has brought all of that crashing down. By looking into his eyes now I see that he hasn't made any progress towards recovery, he's only pushed it to another day, which is understandable considering he's never experienced this and has no clue as to what he needs to do to heal himself. As his best friend, as his lover, and as his brother I need to make sure that he learns what that is and do it. I have to help him. I must help him. Not for me, but for him; for us. And I won't ever stop until he is completely and truly happy.

"Please tell me. Or if you won't tell me, could we at least start seeing your therapist again? Maybe she could help." He nods at that so I tell Joe and Murr thanks for coming over, and they can go now. Q and I start to settle in for the night - he said he didn't want to be alone so I told him he's more than welcome to stay over again, although he does make a quick trip to his house to feed his cats and shower. By the time he comes back I have a little snack prepared, we eat and then ready ourselves for bed.

I wake up several times throughout the night to find that he hasn't caught a wink of sleep, but he still lies next to me in bed, and to be honest I don't question it. I probably wouldn't be able to sleep after an experience like that either.

It's nearly dawn when I once again wake and he finally says something. His back is turned to me so I'm not really sure how he knew I was awake, or if he even cared, but nonetheless he starts talking, not allowing me to say anything at all. "I hadn't seen or talked to Faith for quite some time, but when I saw her that night I was surprised for a completely different reason. None of the people at the bar were respecting her, and she looked like a mess. I felt bad for her, but I wasn't going to do anything until I saw her and that Williams guy leave through a back door. Something was definitely wrong about the situation. I didn't know what it was, or how I knew that, but I knew something was wrong, so of course I followed her. You were... actually I don't know where you were, or any of our friends, so I followed her alone. I'm much bigger than that guy and knew I could take him in a fight if it came down to that.

And then it did come down to that, but he pulled out his gun and I couldn't do anything without getting my head blown off. You know me, I wouldn't mind giving myself up to save someone, including Faith, but I wasn't good to anyone dead in that situation." I cringe at the thought of his life being threatened like that, but I still remain silent. He continues to recount his story, almost in a nonchalant manner; as if it happened to someone else. "He told me to do exactly as he says, or he would kill her, and then turned the gun on her. She tried to tell me to save myself, but I ignored her and said 'do what you want to me, just don't hurt her'." Finally Q turns around to face me, and I see something in his eyes; begging. He's desperate for me to understand. "I just couldn't leave her there to get hurt or die, Sal. I couldn't. If it were you, or Joe or Murr, or anyone really, I'd do the same thing. You know that."