Broken - Niam

Chapter 1

I loved him. I still do. I thought our love was infinite, I thought he loved me back. I guess I was wrong wasn't I? Did he just feel bad for me? Because nobody loved me? I didn't need his pity, I didn't need someone as perfect as him to feel for me. I was used to it, I was used to being in everyone's shadows.

I didn't plan on staying anyways, after my career was over I was going back to Ireland, back to my family. That's all I had, at times I didn't even think they loved me. I was the unwanted child, the mistake of the family and my dad made sure I knew that.

I'm sorry to everyone that I hurt in the past and I'm sorry for even being in their lives. I finally snapped, I've had it. I couldn't handle this any more.

{Flashback}

I was only walking to my dressing room. I wasn't causing any trouble, I just needed to get ready for my dinner date with Liam. I hummed the soft beat of "Let Her Go" to myself. I watched my reflection on the glass as I approached the dressing room door.

"I know Louis, I'll tell him but I can't hurt him." I heard the faint sound of my boyfriend's voice in the room in front of me. "I don't know anymore, Lou. It doesn't feel the same." I wonder what Liam is talking about. Curious, I went and stood closer to the closed door.

"Liam, are you sure?" I heard Louis ask.

"Yes, Lou. I'll always love him but I need a break. He's been too clingy lately." I was in shock. Did he really feel that way? I didn't mean to be clingy, I just thought he wanted to spend time with me.

I never knew he felt that way...

My knees felt weak and I wanted to die right then and there. I ran to my dressing room and locked the door. I sunk down to the ground and cried into my knees. Did he really want to break up with me? I'm so stupid! Stupid! Stupid! I repeated the word in my head, convincing myself I wasn't worth it. Why couldn't I be loved like a normal person? I only wanted to make him happy.

There was a quiet knock on the door. "Go away!" I shouted and threw the pillow at the door. "Ni? Open up." Liam whispered from the other side, "we have reservations."

"Get the hell away from me!" I spat. "Find someone else to go with. I have plans tonight." Although it did sound a little harsh I was sure he would want to go out with someone else.

"Ni? What's wrong? Open up." He knocked again.

"Stop calling me Ni! You know exactly what's going on!" I wanted to cry but I couldn't. I heard the door click and open.

"GET OUT!" I shouted, charging towards Liam. I pushed him but he didn't fall, he grabbed me and his arms wrapped around my torso. "Niall? Tell me what's wrong." He said again, pain in his eyes. My knees collapsed and we both fell to the ground. I sat in between his legs, refusing to look him in the eyes.

He left a trail of kisses on my cheek but I pulled away. "Stop," I cried. "Niall?" He asked, tears filling his eyes.

"I heard you," was all I could say.

Liam looked away, tears falling down his cheeks.

"Ni, listen," he started.

"It's ok Liam! Save your breath, I'm used to it." I couldn't help the tears now.

"Ni-Niall, I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry. I love you, don't leave." Liam cried kissing my forehead.

"Liam, You don't have to pretend anymore." I looked at the ground waiting for his response. No, I didn't want to break up with him but it's what he wanted. He said it himself.

"I didn't mean it Niall! Please just take me back! I'm sorry!" Liam cried, squeezing my hand til his knuckles were white.

"Then what did you mean Liam? You can't just fake that! This whole 'You and I' thing isn't gonna work. I'm sorry Liam. I'm sorry for everything I did. I know you were only with me because you felt bad. You felt bad that everyone was already in a relationship but me. Thank you for making me feel loved for the past five months but you can go now. You can stop pretending." I explained. I sat up and began pushing Liam out the door.

"Oh, and Liam," I called out. His head quickly shot back, revealing his blood shot eyes and tear stained cheeks, "I don't need you to feel sorry for me, I've made it through 20 years of this crap. Don't feel sorry for me, go find someone you truly love."

His shoulders sunk and he looked at the ground. He slowly walked back to Louis's room. I shut my door and laid down on the couch. "Fuck this," I spat before dozing off.