So Damn Beautiful (A Twilight Human Fan Fiction)

Chapter 18 - Only In My Mind

I didn't sleep well last night. Well, in fact, I couldn't sleep at all. Part of me feared that I might see my worst nightmare then, the other part of me fear what tomorrow will bring. Seeing Bella and Jacob officially a couple.......... I can't even express the pain. The mere phrase makes me want to stay in my room for the rest of the school year. Why? Why is it when the one girl I ever fell in love with, can't be mine? Why is it when I try to get someone that I want, I ended up losing her? And all of these failures, I have no one to blame but myself. Why did I have to give that damn advice? I should've told her my feelings a few days ago then, I shouldn't be this broken. I thought we had something special but I guess it was only in my mind. I thought we were... what Alice calls "destined" for each other but I guess we weren't after all.

It was already seven on a Monday morning and I was already on my way to school. Alice was riding with Jasper this morning. She already knows about Bella and Jacob since Bella told her yesterday during their shopping trip. Alice couldn't believe it. I remembered our conversation last night...

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I was in my room lying on my bed and staring up at the ceiling. A few minutes ago, Esme told me to come down for dinner but I told her that I'll pass for tonight. I told her I was busy. Busy moping around. It surprised me that Esme didn't wonder. She just let me go.

How could that mere advice affect so much? I wish I could go back in time and stop myself from saying those words. If only it was possible, I would give up anything but it was already done. And I have no one to blame but myself.

Then I heard a loud banging on my door...

"Edward!!! Open up!!! I know you're in there!!!" Alice practically screamed. I groaned. Alice is so annoying.

"Not now, Alice!" I called back.

"Edward!! If you don't let me in this minute or so help me, I will call Bella and tell her everything!!!"

"Ok! I'll let you in!" Stupid black-mailing twin sister. I rose up from my bed and unlocked the bolt.

"It's about time! What happened? Why is she going out with Jacob Black? When Bella told me, I couldn't believe it! She said........" Alice rumbled on, the moment she opened the door. I silenced her by putting my index finger on her lips.

"Ok! Calm down. One question at a time..." I dropped my finger when Alice was finally calm.

"Edward, what happened?"

I took a deep breath then I motioned her to sit with me on the couch. I spent the next few minutes telling her about Bella's feeling for Jacob, my stupid advice and how did I found out.

"Oh, God! It can't be." Alice grieved.

"Well, there is nothing I can do now. I lost..."

"But you were supposed to be destined for each other... you looked perfect together."

"Alice, things like that only happens in movies."

"But I can feel it... you two were supposed to be together."

"Alice, just let it go."

"How come you gave up so easily?"

"Well, is the reason not obvious? She doesn't like me more than a friend. She likes Jacob."

"How can you say that? You haven't even told Bella your feelings for her."

"Alice, it's pretty obvious. She doesn't need to say it. She already showed me. If she has even a tiny romantic liking for me, she wouldn't be with Jacob now."