Hidden Life (on hold)

Chapter 5:

As the door closes, I make a mental note to myself to learn the names of all Gemma's side-bees and the names of all the boys that are in on the football team, plus anyone else that managed to get into their little group of popular cliches. I keep on walking down the hall and I don't stop.

Haha. Jokes. I am just kidding.

I do stop and take a deep breath. When I hear them getting nearer I turn around to face them and immediately wish that I hadn't. I am kicking myself for not just ignoring the person and keeping on walking while pretending that they didn't ever even exist.

Why did I have to be so stupid? I decide to try the whole praying thing again and give God another chance. I am only doing this because I am such a nice person too by the way.

"God, I am giving you another chance, if you really are listening to my prayers right now, make this idiot turn around. Oh, and I am very sorry for calling them an idiot and for calling Gemma a bitch- even though she deserved it." I mutter under my breath while turning away from the person and putting up my hand as a signal for them to wait, which they thank God (haha. Thank god- get it?) listen to.

At least someone will listen to me! I feel like I have been completely abandoned by God at this most important time of my life- the struggles of high school displayed right here people!

Why does my life have to be so very complicated? Seriously!

Jayden had caught up and was now standing in front of me. His eyes were sparkling with barely concealed laughter. "What were you just doing? Were you just praying to yourself?"

"Hey! Don't judge me! I am in a time of need!" I try to defend myself but he just starts laughing. I huff in annoyance before starting to walk off.

"Well, if your gonna laugh, I will be going now..."

I feel a hand capture my arm in a strong grip, stopping me in my escape.

"Stop. I wanted to talk to you. Please just listen." His voice sounded desperate. This makes me turn back around.

"Why do you let them push you around like that? When we were in class, you were never shy or stuttering at all. Even now, you aren't shy, you are confident. Why do you do it?"

My forehead scrunches in fake confusion. "What do you mean? I am just scared when there is a whole group of you. It is intimidating. When I am with you, I feel like I don't need to be scared because you are so...." I trail off and look at the floor. My face feels as red as a beetroot and I am definitely not faking this blush at all.

Why did I just say all of that? Seriously? I just had to open my mouth. 

I like to consider myself as one of those people who are very secretive and who never let myself develop attachments with other people. I don't like to ever really let myself feel. I don't know why, but ever since the incident when I was younger, I just haven't felt the need to and I also really had anyone there to let me spill my thoughts and feelings to anyway, so I guess that I am just not used to it or something like that then.

I mean, it isn't at all like I actually plan on opening up to any person I know - or don't know - anytime soon or in the near future anyway.