Not real.

Chapter One: The Dream

*Katniss*
   In that strange place where you're neither asleep nor awake is where I am. This only happens on nights when I don't immediately awaken from nightmares. As I drift in this middle ground, memories come into my mind and display behind my eyelids in this dream-like state
"Well, Catnip, stealing is punishable by death, or hadn't you heard?" (118 The Hunger Games).
   A young boy, the age of 14 states. Gale...when I first met him in the woods. The tinge of sarcasm in his voice makes me inwardly smirk as I reminisce this moment in time. From then on things only got...better. The thought startles me. I guess I never thought about the positives of me and Gale being together, I was only focusing on surviving.
   "See!? I told you! I told you you were going too high up the tree but noooo you wouldn't listen did you? And now your wrist is broken! You should have listened to me." A girl rolls her eyes, it's me. Gale sits on the ground and smiles through his pain at the girl. "I guess you were right then." He admits. "Yes, of course I was." The girl grins at her accomplishment. "So you can smile?" Gale laughs. I punch him in the shoulder but laugh back,"come on let's get you to my mother" I groan.
I only smile at people when I trust them. That was the day I decided to trust Gale. He had been my hunting partner for nearly half a year at that point, but since my mother was still in her cocoon of depression, and my father had been taken from me in the explosion, trust was not something I was willing to give out to really anyone. After I smiled at Gale we were not only hunting partners but friends.
   "Gale"...my small 15 year old voice almost whispers as we sit in our spot.
The sky is grey and cold.
"Catnip" Gale replies trying to lighten the dark mood.
"Promise me something." I say. "Depends on what it is." He says sarcastically.
"I'm serious." I say.
"Okay what?".
"If one of us gets called in the reaping...the other takes care of their family as well as their own. Deal?"
"Deal." He grips my hand. He then stands me up and wraps me in his strong embrace.
"But I'm gonna promise you now that nothing is going to happen to your family okay? I know you can protect them just fine but I'm going to too. And don't you dare try and talk me out of it."
One of those annoying choking sounds comes out of my mouth as I reply "okay". He grips my shoulders and looks down at my face.
"Don't cry Catnip" he says softly.
"I miss my dad Gale." I say as I wipe my tears away. He hugs me again. Tighter.
"Me too."
   I remember this day. The anniversary of when our fathers died. It was the day when I realized how much I needed a friend. How much I needed only him as a friend because he understood me in a way that nobody else could.
   The next memory isn't of me and Gale but of me and Peeta. The first time we kissed in the first games. I watch myself lean in and I remember a thought that had entered my mind in that moment, but I shoved it down too quickly to process.
   I've hurt him. I hurt Gale. The thought replays over and over in my mind as I remember it. I usually justified it by telling myself that I had to kiss Peeta so that I could survive or that it was just an act. But I knew that was a lie. From then on every time Gale looked me in the eyes, behind whatever emotion there was, there was always pain lingering in words that would never be spoken out loud to me.
   "Without even thinking, I jumped up and threw my arms around him, making some weird sound that combined laughing, choking, and crying. He was holding me so tightly that I couldn't see his face, but it was a really long time before he let me go..."(26 Catching Fire).
   The day I had a break from after the games. I couldn't think of anything except of how much I had missed him during the time I was away from him. How much I wanted to thank him for taking care of my family while I was gone. I wanted to tell him that the kissing was all an act and that it wasn't real...it wasn't real. Is it real? Was it ever real? It dawns on me still in my dreaming state that what if I'm lying to myself? But another memory comes to mind.
   I am in the underground room of Tigris's shop buried in furs and about to go to sleep when I hear Gale's voice as they talk about me, thinking I'm asleep. Their words come in sections as I feel myself waking up.
"Thanks for the water," Peeta says. "No problem," Gale replies. "I wake up ten times a night anyway."
"To make sure Katniss is still here?" asks Peeta.
"Something like that," Gale admits."(328 Mockingay)...

"I should have volunteered to take your place in the first games. Protected her then."
"You couldn't," says Peeta "She'd never have forgiven you. You had to take care of her family. They matter more to her than her life." (329 Mockingjay)....

"Katniss will pick whoever she can't survive without."(329 Mockingjay)....

   Whoever I can't survive without. One more memory comes and I'm in the Capitol about to shoot Gale when a thought enters my mind that I've never acknowledged until this day.
I can't survive without him.
And then I wake up.