Not real.

Chapter Fourty Four: The Phone Call...

*Katniss*
Gale's dark eyelashes flutter slightly as he dreams about something or other. He woke up in cold sweats from a nightmare I few hours ago and came downstairs to think. When I woke up to find him missing I searched the house and eventually found him in the living room making a fire. He had that glazed expression over his face, his jaw set, and his eyes stolen of their usual color and light. I know the expression well due to the fact that I've seen it on myself after nightmares.
I stood silently halfway behind the wall and observed for a moment. He eventually got done building the flames to a proper height in the fireplace and then sat down on one of the couches. Placing his elbows on his knees he ran his fingers through his hair. My feet moved by themselves and I found myself slowly walking towards him.
Without saying anything I took his hands from his face and curled my fingers around his. My eyes said all that he needed to hear.
I'm here. And I know.
Now he sleeps on my lap, his arms wrapped around my legs. As I unconsciously run my fingers through his hair I look out through the window into the darkness. Large white flakes of snow fall silently. They swirl through the air in slow, graceful patterns.
Meanwhile the fire ablaze warms the entire living room. The warmth tempts me to close my eyelids and drift off but something in my mind nags at me and won't let me sleep.
I continue to repeat the same pattern of playing with Gale's hair as I try to figure out what it is. Maybe it's this house, or the snow, or the fire, or all of it combined. No. It's the silence. And everything else.
This time of year it's always been louder. Gale and I's family used to spend more time together during the winter months. There would always be kids playing in the snow and laughing and late night talks followed by three obnoxious boys snoring.
My mother has buried herself in work and Hazelle and the kids wanted to stay in District Four this winter. Delly, Peeta, Nadia, and Mason have paid several visits but it isn't the same as when we have kids around.
Kids...kids around. That's what it is.
   Maybe I actually want to have kids. I've never thought about it really...at least not for longer than a second.  I never wanted them before the games. It wasn't even worth a discussion because I knew I'd doom them into having to to the reaping and the games. I'd have to raise them in a world built on fear, ruled by a heartless dictator. I'd never do that to anyone. Especially my children. But now...
   I sigh and look down at Gale's sleeping face. He deserves them. And I know he wants them but he'd never pressure me into anything. He'll probably ask me sooner or later though. And if I say no...well that wouldn't be fair to him.
   He's stuck by me all this time and I know I'm a handful. As I look down at my husband I remember how much we've been through together. What's one more adventure among a lifetime of them, if I have it with Gale?
I won't be alone because I'll have him. There's no reason to be afraid. Yet I still am. A part of me thinks that another villain will appear and try to take my happiness away from me again. Having kids would just give them more of an advantage. Then again, there will always be bad people out there and I can't keep making excuses. I think I'd like having kids but if I let myself think about it it terrifies me.
These conflicting thoughts will now be constantly at war in my head. They already are.
I sigh unhappily. Gale tightens his arms around my legs. It's odd how he always seems to know when I'm upset. Even when he's asleep.
He deserves them Katniss... My mind tells me over and over. I lean down and press a kiss to his temple. Still running my fingers through his hair I whisper,"Just this once, you win, just this once."
When I glance outside the window I notice that the sun is beginning to rise. Turning the sky a dark great instead of black as the snow continues to fall. Gale shifts and his eyelids slowly open.
"Morning." I murmur. He smiles up at me and closes his eyes again.
"Morning Catnip." I lean over him, my long hair brushes his neck and he cringes away. I laugh lightly before pushing it behind my ear. His arms unwrap from my legs and he flips around so he's looking up at me. His hand reaches up and caresses my face with the touch of a feather.
Slowly I lean down and kiss him softly. The fire inside me grows and seems to spread through my veins and in my blood.
He slowly sits up, continuing to kiss me over and over. His lips trail down my neck and collar bone, then the hollow of my neck, and then my jaw. His light touch makes me shiver with every point of contact. His lips finally find mine again and I bite his lower lip. He pulls away, pressing his forehead to mine.
That wasn't fair. His grey eyes tell me. I smirk back.
Payback hurts doesn't it?
He smirks back and kisses me again, more forcefully this time. And on perfect timing the phone rings. I pull away but Gale leans in again and continues to kiss me.
"Gale the phone." I try to stop him but I don't do a very great job.
"What phone?" He moves to my neck again.
"The phone that's ringing."
"Katniss, I don't hear a phone ringing." His lips press against mine once more, maybe I should just ignore it....No.
   I pull away and squirm out of his arms. He groans and glares at me as I walk away from him. I laugh and pick up the phone that's been annoyingly ringing for the past five minutes.
"Hello?"
"Katniss-" Peeta's voice cracks on the other end.
"Peeta what's going on are you okay?" Gale stands up from the couch and stands in front of me, concern written on his face.
"We just came back from-from the hospital." He stutters and I hear the faint sound of Delly sobbing in the background.
"Peeta..." My heart sinks as I realize what's happened.
"We lost it Katniss. We lost the baby. Just please come over as soon as you can..."
"We'll be over in a minute." The phone clicks off on the other end as Peeta hangs up. Gale stands with his hands on the back of his head. He heard what happened. I slowly set the phone down. I break out of my trance and race upstairs to get dressed, Gale does the same.
   Within five minutes we're both at the front door. Gale takes my hand and squeezes it tightly. I look up at him and his eyes ask me if I'm ready. I nod and we quickly head out the door.