Not real.

Chapter Twenty Three: Why I Can't Move On

*Katniss*
So why can't you?
So why can't I? What the hell does that mean. Peeta almost murdered him. Why can he move on? Why does he not feel threatened? I get that it's not Peeta's fault but still...Gale shouldn't just be so confident in trusting him already. I sure don't trust him after what he did.
I draw a shaky breath, and sit up against the door. I look out the window and notice the sun high in the sky. I must've fallen asleep on the floor. I braid my hair back and check the clock that sits on the bedside table. 3:45 PM. I don't think I've ever slept in that late.
I unlock the door and step outside the room. I head down to the kitchen and find that I'm not hungry. So, I proceed to roam the halls of my large house. I walk on hunter's tread, trying not to awake the ghosts that live in this house...only when I'm alone. I find myself in the room where Snow visited me. There's a large bookshelf there, and though I've never been much for reading, I start to poke around the shelves. Near the bottom shelf I find a leather bound book, which clearly didn't come with the house like the other books did. I take it slowly out and on the bottom right corner, my mothers signature is written carefully in cursive.
What I find inside takes me by surprise. Photos from hundreds of moments of our lives are placed on every page. Photos of Prim and my dad with my mother and...me. I never even knew we owned a camera. I don't notice the tears that fall until I find myself gazing at a photo of Gale and I.
It was the day he broke his wrist. He sits on our old kitchen table as my mother wraps his forearm. I stand facing him, laughing. He's laughing too. Prim must've taken the picture before I could catch her.
Gale and I...we've been through so much. What does this mean? What does last night mean? Has he left for good? Did I make him leave? The thought terrifies me. I have to get out of here. Out of this house.
My heart pounds in my chest and I start to hyperventilate. I frantically pry the window open and jump to the ground outside. I suck in breaths of the cold, fresh air. Where am I going? There's only one place that would make sense at the moment.
I walk down the street and knock twice on Haymitch's door.
"Haymitch!" I holler.
"In the Kitchen!" He yells back. Thank goodness he's here. But when I walk in the kitchen, I'm greeted by a face I never wanted to see.
"What. Are you doing here?" I snap.
"I'm talking. With Haymitch." Peeta says quietly, looking down at his hands, avoiding my gaze.
"I'll come back later." I say curtly, all the while Haymitch observes our exchange of words.
"Katniss wait!" Peeta yells after me. I turn on my heel and face him. Tears form in his deep blue eyes.
"Katniss, I'm-I'm sorry about what I did. There are no words that can explain the guilt I feel, I'm so, so sorry." He chokes out.
"Peeta you almost took him from me. You almost killed Gale!" My voice raises at the end of my sentence. He looks me straight in the eyes, tears streaming from his own.
"I had to watch him in a coma for a month! Do you know how torturous that was? Everyday the damn questions going around in my head if he would ever speak or see or if he could hear me or if he would ever remember me. And I get it, I know that you can't control it! But I just...I can't lose him, not again." Suddenly gravity proves to be too strong and I sink to my knees. The weight of the whole situation finally breaks me. What comes next I don't expect. A pair of comforting arms wrap around me tentatively. Peeta hugs me close in his strong, warm embrace.
"I know. I'm so sorry Katniss."
Suddenly all the anger I felt towards him melts. He should hate me. He's apologizing for something he can't control? What kind of person am I to blame him for something like that? All he's done is try to do what's best for me. He's never stopped being patient with me, never stopped fighting for me. I pull away when he says this.
"No. You can't control it. It's not your fault. It's the capitol's. I'm sorry for blaming you." I tell him softly, "Could you forgive me?" He stands me up and hugs me again.
"Always." He whispers.
It's amazing how quickly he moves on from thing like this. So why can't you? Suddenly I know the answer to Gale's question. I have to find him.
"I have to go. Thank you Peeta." With a squeeze of his hand I dash out the door and make a run for the woods.
I walk silently through the forrest. The sun is beginning to set, leaving more shadows for me to conceal myself in. After an hour of searching I find him sitting at the base of a tree. His back is facing me.
My heart pounds in my chest, I can hear my blood rushing in my ears. What if he won't let me back in after the things I said to him? No. I remind myself. I'm not going to stop fighting for him. I know that I have to speak, but I'm terrified. Tears sting my eyes and I take a deep breath.
"Because I am too afraid to loose you again." My voice rings in the quiet of the woods and Gale jumps. He turns to look at me and stands up.
"What?" He asks, confused. I draw another shaky breath as his eyes meet mine.
"You asked me why I couldn't move on. I'm too afraid to loose you again," he starts to move towards me, suddenly I'm afraid he might still be mad,"and I almost did and I blamed the first person that came to mind." He's still slowly moving towards me, to argue? Is he going to say something? No, no I'm not done.
"And that was Peeta. He almost took you from me and," I can no longer keep my tears at bay and they start to flow freely. I try to talk quickly before my throat starts to close up,"and I was more terrified because of that than I have ever been. But now I know that I shouldn't blame him and I don't. And you wer-" I'm cut off suddenly when Gale's lips meet mine. His warm hands caress my face. He pulls away and gazes into my eyes.
"I wasn't done." I tell him. He smirks but doesn't say anything, waiting for me to continue.
"You were right. I let my emotions get in front of the facts. I talked to him. Peeta, I mean, and-" This time i'm interrupted by his finger touching my lips, telling me to be quiet. He gently uses his thumbs to dry my tears, still concentrating on my face.
"Say something." I plead in a whisper.
He gives me a small smile.
"You're not gonna loose me. Not anytime soon." I breathe a sigh of relief and drop my gaze.
"I'm sorry. For what I said." I whisper. His eyes tell me that he knows I'm sincere. He sighs, " I suppose I forgive you because I really don't feel like sleeping in the woods again. Do you know how freakin cold it get-" My lips interrupt him before I can find out. His arms wrap around me and pull me closer into him. I can feel him smiling as he kisses me and relief floods my body. We'll be okay.
He pulls away first and takes my face in his hands again.
"I love you." He tells me softly.
"I love you too."
He gently pulls me into his embrace and I bury myself in his chest. His head drops to my shoulder.
"You wanna go home?" He whispers into my skin. I nod and he takes my hand, leading me home.