babygirl » hayesgrier

《fifty-one》

●kylie●

i think im becoming depressed and i hate it so much, thats not who i am i dont want to hate myself.

i hope hayes cant tell because then it will get worse.

i used to be really depressed before i met hayes when we thought my dad died because i was closer to him than anyone else.

it go so bad i get panic attaks, very bad anxiety, and sometimes self harm. ive done it before i tried to kill myself before.

i know your probably like your lying your the happiest person i know but its the truth.

hayes doesnt know anything about that. i never told him and i dont plan to anytime soon either.

maybe i should go talk to cameron about it or something.

i grabbed my phone and texted cameron.

me: hey cam remember when i told you about how i had depression when i was 13 and 14?

cammybear❤🐻: yes and it breaks my heart you tried to hurt yourself every time i think about it.

me: can i come over with jayden i need to just talk to you alone!

cammybear❤🐻: of course you can come nobodys here its just me.

i shut my phone off and put it in my pocket. i walked downstairs where hayes was cooking breakfast.

i held jayden in my hands tightly as he tried going back to sleep.

"goodmorning beautiful" hayes said.

"goodmorning mommy!" claire said loud sitting at the table.

"goodmorning. hey hayes im gonna take jayden with me and go to cams is that alright. i need to talk to him about something" i asked.

"sure you want something to eat first?" he asked.

"no thank you..im not hungry" i said grabbing my keys and walking out the door.

i buckled jayden secure in his car seat and hopped in the drivers seat and started my car.

i drove about five minutes and arrived at his apartment.

i got jayden and his diaper bag out the car and walked inside his apartment to see him laying on the couch.

"hey" i said .

"hey! give me him i wanna hold my nephew" cameron said pointing to jayden who he loves.

he loves jayden so much and jayden loves being with him.

i handed him to cam and set his diaper bag on the floor.

"hi baby jay, your still do cute noe your even cuter" cam said smiling at him.

i sat down on the couch beside him.

"okay this is serious what i need to talk to you about" i said looking at him.

"is everything okay? kylie." cameron asked looking worried.

"not really. i dont know what happened but i think im depressed again and it sucks. its breaking my heart." i said.

"and i want to tell hayes about last time i was depressed but i cant its just too hard. cameron it hurts me. im not as happy as i used to be and he will notice soon, i dont want to put them through this. i love him and claire so much" i said crying.

cameron pulled me in a hug after he put jayden in the little crib he had for him.

"kylie..im really upset that you are feeling depressed again and want to help you any way possible but please dont try doing anything you tried before" he said looking at me with tears falling down his face.