"Zaabit Bhai!! What are you doing?" I begin to walk back as his sturdier figure became close.
"You aren't supposed to be here, Zaabit Bhai" I begin to scream because for the past few weeks since I have arrived back. He never came this close to me. W...
I toss my Toyota keys to the guard so he can park them for me and took the big monkey bag and sling it over my shoulder.
I walk to the tall french door to let myself into the new house. In the foyer, I could hear the loud voices of my parents and uncle, and aunt.
The smile vanishes from my face as I stop at uncle Zaboor's words
"So, it's settled...Saama nikah is on twenty-fifth December and her ruksati is after a few months".
Something within me breakdowns as I hear the news that I will never accept. I came back home to see her, to make her mine but she is already engaged and in a few days...right in front of my eyes, she will become somebody else...moreover I will be a guest to congratulate her. This cannot be possible. I waited for her so long just so she will become someone else's. How can...no...how can I bear to see her become someone else besides me?
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Upon my presence, everybody gathers up as I give them a weak smile. I greet and hug them as uncle zaboor keeps on mentioning again and again how proud, he is of me to sacrifice myself to protect this land and its people. He pats my back in a proud way as I excused myself.
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I stride into my room and toss the bag onto the floor with surging anger. The thought of seeing her away from me angers me so much. She is the limelight of my life. She made me realize not to give up because miracles do exist when you least expect them. Although I had always thought of her maturity as an act to be different from others. But as time passed by, I realized her words had weight and that age and maturity do not go hand in hand.
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I hate everything in this room and I didn't realize I had broken almost all of the pieces that must have taken Khadija ages to gather and decorate.
But it felt good because the look of sadness on her face tells me I have done the damage. I smirk as I let out a huff and ask in an indifferent way.
"Feeling good".
"I hate you, Bhaiya!!!" She yells as tears make their way down her face.
"Do I look like I care" I assert before she could walk away? I takeout the photo frame of me and her when we were on good terms. I toss it at her feet as the glass frame cracks and shatters into million of unending pieces like our relationship. She walks away with a tear-stained face as I shut the door with a loud thud.
I pull the curtain aside as I look at flakes raining down to the ground with sadness. The sky is in tears like me. The tears of being left alone again are falling down and today I am letting them fall because I want to be strong when I see her again.
I cried silently as my heart ached so much with pain. Every limb inside me is breaking and I can't do anything about it. I bite my knuckle as I hold back my wailing to go unheard. How can it go unheard when He, my Allah is listening to me, and yet he can't help me make her mine. He has the ability yet He made her his but not mine.
**********************
I gather up my energy to make it into the walk-in closet to change into comfy clothes. I change into a gray open-up sweater and white tracksuit pants with black flip-flops.
I wash my face with cold water as it soothes my face. I look at my face in the mirror. The water dripped off and mingled with my tears. I look so pitiful at the moment. I look like a complete loser for breaking down when she hasn't become his yet. I will pray earnestly that he rejects her so that she can be broken into million pieces like me. I will wait for a miracle to happen where she will never imagine her life without me ...like me.
I walk into the attached patio that's when I notice her and her brother. She is still wearing those big glasses that take up almost half of her face and she still has that loose messy ponytail. She is wearing a white baggy sweater as she smiles at her brother.
She has changed. She...I can't really see her face but her appearance tells me a lot. The open display of affection, the snow admirer, and her contagious laugh sweeten up the atmosphere. She has changed.
The way she is running around happily and casually talking to the delivery boy while making him blush at whatever she mouthed is something I would never imagine her doing. But then again a decade could change so many things in humans.
I couldn't take their screams and so before I could rethink anything. I breathe in and voice them to "act your age. ..will yeah".
They look up at me and suddenly I feel nervous under their scrutinizing gaze. I put on a face like I don't know her or that she isn't having any effect on me meanwhile she is affecting me in every possible way. My heart begins to race and I turn around to walk back when her words freeze me.
"Yeah amigos like you by breaking things and screaming at others which is very mature of you na" she replied.
YA ALLAH THAT IS SO EMBARRASSING!
She had heard me. It was me who was breaking and screaming like lunatics. She doesn't know that it is because of her I am and I had behaved like this. The fear of losing and the fear of not seeing her all these years...who do I tell that to...when there is nobody who will listen to me.
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