She will always be the one

* Maybe I wasn't meant to say *

Saama ~ POV

Your face is the last thing I wish to see, my dear husband.

Do you know what is the hardest thing in this world?

To hide.

To hide yourself from emotions, not letting them out to others.

I changed my mind I won't tell you that I care about you. You are not to know about it.

I know.

I am so bad but I can't seem to see you suffer own your own.

Not by me.

I don't deserve you like you think I do. I am unworthy of you.

I am cold and stone-hearted.

When I leave I want you to forget me, not to keep me by to stop you from being loved by another woman who you deserve.

I love you Zaabit.

I do so with all my heart but I can't tell you and maybe I wasn't meant to say it to you.

Maybe I was meant to suffer and torment how I made you. I have hurt you numerous times and dejected you all the time which is why I am getting punished.

Punished by this unknown force, which bounds me guilty of you.

I haven't forgotten you. I pretended that I don't remember you or any of the family members. It is because it will be easier for all of us when I die.

When I leave, nobody will have to shed tears because they have probably already been out of it.

It will be easier for you to leave me.

Zaabit, you have started to cry from very early on. You thought I haven't seen you but I did. That day, when I stop walking and finally fell altogether. I saw you from the window of our bedroom, sitting in the car and crying silently for long hours until the first snow of the season freckles down the sky. You cried but I felt the aches of your unheard sounds in my ears.

That day was the hardest of all when I couldn't move to run to you to hold you in my arms, to console you or to rather cry with you upon our destiny.

So I had to do what seemed like easy thing to do for you.

When you came up to check on me, tears wiped away yet it had imprints on my heart. I screamed at you to go away and you did for awhile.

For awhile I lived by without you. I tried not to miss you but I missed you so much that my heart ached with this unbeatable pain.

You were there.

Always on my mind.

You clouded my vision, my thoughts, my pain, and my agnoy.

Yelling and shouting at you was the easiest then just letting you by near me with your strain calmness.

I didn't love to hurt you but I loved to distant you so that when the time comes you would let me go.