Hold Me Closer

Chapter 6: Sam

     I wake up earlier than usual. I watch Alex sleep for a minute or two before I decide that I'm being a creep. Without making a noise, I leave the room to take a shower and get dressed. When I walk down the hallway, I see boyfriend standing in front of our door. Please no, I think when the door opens and boyfriend walks into our room really quick. I don't waste any time wondering how long exactly I showered and hurry to catch the door before boyfriend closes it. I won't give them a chance to do I-still-don't-want-to-know-what . When boyfriend looks back confused about not being able to close the door, his face falls.

"Oh. You," he says, not even trying to hide that he doesn't want me here.

"Yes. Me," I answer, "You would think I lived here." I look into his eyes and give him a sweet smile. "Oh wait. I do."

     I walk past him into my room  and look at Alex for a few seconds.

"Morning," he says, not quite realising what's happening yet. I nod at him before I turn away to get my backpack- black- and put on some shoes-black- then I turn back to Alex.

"I'd like to study in peace tonight, by the way," I tell him, my face not even changing slightly. Alex looks back and he tries to look not too disappointed. Shit, I planning to be offensive but I guess it's too late. I leave, giving Alex another single nod.

     Over the day, I can't stop thinking about what I said to Alex. I hope he isn't too hurt by what I said to him. I don't really think that he ever thought I was nice, but now it could be even worse. I can't talk about being on good terms with my roommate. Then I wonder if boyfriend is good looking. Is Alex good looking?  Is he good looking in a different way than straight people are? I decide that I'm thinking too much.

     I find our room empty when I return. Not even Alex is there. I sit down on my bed and concentrate on my notes. Art history. On of my favorite classes.  I study for a while, eating  raspberries while I'm looking trough my books. It doesn't take too long until Alex comes into the room. It's hard to decide whether he looks upset or not. I can't tell. I don't know him well enough for that. He catches me looking at him and I open my mouth to say something to him. I think about apologising but my mouth is faster than my thoughts are.

"I'm glad you didn't bring that guy here. I really can't concentrate when you two are in here together."

     I swallow, I can't control the words that come out of my mouth. Alex just nods and scratches the back of his neck.

"I'm sorry about it. It won't happen again, okay? "

     I nod. I'm nodding a lot.

"Thank you," I say, too proud to apologize, but I hope to make things better. Alex nods too, takes his jacket.

"I'm leaving again. Good luck with studying."

     He leaves without another word and the more I think about it, the more I believe I fucked up.

     After this conversation I really can't concentrate on my notes anymore. I change into my pyjamas and switch off the lights. I lay down but I can't sleep for a long time. After a lot of over thinking, I finally fall asleep. I don't know if Alex came back to our room at some point. When I wake up, I'm not brave enough to turn around to look at Alex' bed. I keep staring at the wall and eventually, I fall asleep again.