Hold Me Closer

Chapter 8: Sam

     I decide that it's not my fault that I'm homophobic. It's boyfriend because he's the one making me feel mildly  disgusted. Poor Alex, the way that he reacted to his hearing aids was terrible. I knew that Alex needs them. But that's probably a side effect of sharing a room with him. I know a lot of things about him that boyfriend probably doesn't. For example, Alex tends to speak while he's asleep. I never really minded it, it's kind of funny and I started a game for myself to guess what he's dreaming about.

     Right now he's doing it again. He's just mumbling to himself and I can't really hear what he's saying. I hear the word "boyfriend" and something about him being sorry. Then my name. He sounds stressed.  A nightmare then, I guess.

     I keep listening to Alex but he's mumbling again and I can't even guess what he's saying. I don't hear my name again. I don't hear boyfriend's name either (I mean, I don't know his name but maybe I'd figure it put at some point) or any apologies.

     I'm wondering if Alex hates me. I don't hate him, I don't think I do. I just can't handle him and boyfriend or him having boyfriends in general, I guess. But he has real reasons to not like me. I'm a terrible roommate. A terrible person even. I fall asleep thinking that I don't want Alex to hate me.

"I'm an asshole, " I tell Alex the next morning when I'm sure that he has his hearing aids turned on.

     He just stares at me with a blank expression for a few seconds then he nods slowly.  Thanks mate, I think.

"And I know I'm not fair. I'm sorry. I really am. I'll try to respect you and your boyfriend more."

Alex nods. "Thank y-"

I interrupt him. "But I expect the same thing of you too."

He blushes a bit. "I really didn't want that to happen the other day-"

     I interrupt him again( I guess disrespectful is the understatement of the century).

"That's not what I mean. I mean your boyfriend looking like he wants to burn me in an open fire whenever I see him somewhere on campus. Maybe you should talk about that."

     Alex nods and I think he doesn't know what to say anymore so I nod to and turn around. I take a lunch box filled with grapes and my bag and leave the room. I turn around for a second and wave at Alex. "See you later."
I close the door before he has a chance to answer.

     It's true that boyfriend has been glancing at me the last days. I didn't notice at first but the more often I saw him on the hallway the more obvious it became. I really don't know what I did to annoy him that much but I don't really care as long as it stops soon. I'm scared he's starting to ruin my reputation. He's talking to his friends about me too, I think. Maybe he's secretly in love with me. Maybe Alex is.

Ha. Ha.

Good one, Sam.