Hold Me Closer

Chapter 11: Alex

     I don't know what to do. I hadn't wanted to cry in front of Sam, but I also didn't expect for him to be kind and apologetic. He said sorry to me and he is currently sitting on my bed asleep. This day was getting weirder and weirder.

     I stand up and put the box of strawberries back on his desk. I go over to him and gently touch his hand. I think about waking him up, but I shake my head and get my stuff for class. I close the door gently when I leave only pausing to look at Sam- he looks so peaceful I can't help myself. I don't know why he is being as kind as he is. I figured he hated me, but I hope that we could become somewhat closer- though I don't think we'd ever be friends.

     I see Damien between every class- which is new- but he still won't hold my hand. After class we go to my room and wait outside. I kick the ground a bit trying to figure out what to say.

"I've got something to ask," I say not quite looking at him.

"Ask away."

"Why won't you hold my hand anymore? And why do you keep checking out other guys?" I ask looking up at him.

"Are you jealous?" He asks a hint of a laugh in his voice. I faulter for a second.

"You're my boyfriend and you're looking at other guys. Yes I'm a little jealous,"

"You shouldn't be," he says leaning against the wall.

"That's reassuring. Why are you looking at other guys?"

"I don't know. They're attractive? Why does it matter?" He scoffs.

"Why does it matter that my boyfriend thinks other guys are attractive and would rather look at them then me?" I say heat rising in my face. This conversation was beginning to upset me.

"So what? I'm sure you look at other guys too."

"I don't."

"You look at Sam," he says vehemently.

"I-i. But that. Well. You already knew about that. I told you about that. I've been trying. Plus he's straight."

"Who's to say those guys I was checking out aren't straight?"

"That's not the point. I'm trying! Trying to forget about Sam, but you're not even trying!" I say trying to keep my voice at a normal level.

"Whatever. I'll see you tonight," he says turning around.

"Actually I have to study," I lie.

"Then tomorrow,"

"Yeah," I say watching him walk away.

     Once he's down the hall I open the door to my dorm and drop my stuff on my desk. I see that Sam is already there and I nod to him.

"You look like shit," he says shifting on his bed.

"Thanks,"
"I didn't mean-

"It's okay. I just had a fight with my boyfriend Damien,"I say dropping down onto my bed.

     I sigh and lay back trying to figure out what to do. I really didn't have to study. I just told him that because I didn't feel like going out with him. I get an idea and sit up suddenly.

"Hey, Sam. I have an idea."

"Shoot."

"Well me and Damien were going to go to a movie tonight, but we're not going. Sooo, would you want to go with me? It's totally okay if you don't want to. I just had wanted to see it and today is the last day they're showing it," I pause to catch my breath.

"Sure. I don't have anything going on tonight," he shrugs.

"Great!" I say beaming.

     I tell him the details and leave to get ready. I decide to wear what I was going to anyway. Which happened to be my softest, most colorful sweater and a pair of black jeans. I mess with my hair for a solid ten minutes trying to get it to lay somewhat flat before remembering it wasn't a date and giving up.

     When I get back to the room Sam is already ready- and looking super good- and we get ready to go to get some food and then go over to the theater. It goes pretty smoothly and we get to the theater with plenty of time.

     About halfway through the movie something catches my eye. Someone a few rows ahead does the classic stretch-and-yawn routine to get his arm around his date- cute. I smile to myself watching the dates reaction. The guy turns his head to give his date a quick kiss and my smile faulters. The guy is my boyfriend and he's at the movies with a date that he's kissing and putting his arm around.

     I tell Sam I was going outside for a minute and go to the lobby. I sit down on one of the over stuffed chairs. I put a hand through my hair trying to figure out what was going on. Damien was there with another date. I had just cancelled with him. How could he have gotten a date that quickly? I sit in the lobby for a while trying to catch my breath and figure out what I was going to do.