Commitment

Chapter Five

Paula sat on the edge of the bed, in her London hotel room, feeling like a complete fool.

She couldn't quite believe, that for the very first time she had ever acted on a crazy impulse, and had spent some of the money, she had in her savings on this overnight stay in London, she had managed to screw it up.

The big screw up being, her idea of not telling Eddie, and then phoning him after she had arrived, in an attempt to surprise him.

The whole plan had now gone down like a lead balloon, and she felt like a complete idiot, for not thinking it through properly. After all, had she really expected that Eddie would just drop everything, just because she had decided to spend a day in London, so he could be with her?

Even though he had been the one to put the idea in her head in the first place, she realised her foolishness was in not letting him know before hand. But in truth, she had not wanted him to give him the impression that her sole reason for the trip had to do with wanting to see him again, which was why she had left it to the last moment to let him know.

She found herself wishing she had not phoned him at all now, as she recalled the way he had sounded over the phone, almost distracted and distant, as if she had caused him some awkward inconvenience.

 It was not at all the happy response that she had somehow pictured it in her mind.

Realising she had misread the whole situation, when he had suggested she come to London and visit him, she then quickly managed to back track out of it, telling him not to worry, that it was no big deal, she would be too busy shopping and could do sightseeing on her own, that  it was not a problem if he couldn't make it if he was busy with work.

He did ask her where she was staying, and she found herself reluctantly giving him the address of the hotel, hoping he didn't make the connection that it was not so far from the area she knew where he lived and worked.

 He also had asked with some concern in his voice, if she was sure she was going to be alright, She had assured him she was a grown woman,  and  quite capable of looking after herself, she had been doing it for a while now.

It was at this point she had made some excuse that she really had to go, apologising for ringing him up at work when he was busy, before she hastily hung up.

Swallowing down her disappointment over Eddie, and his reaction, she  decided to blank him from her mind.   She got a taxi to take her to the hotel where she would be staying  after  she had been shown to her room, she didn't  want wait around too long before leaving again, deciding to do some shopping, just to try and cheer herself up.

But now, here she was later, with aching feet after all the walking around she had done earlier, and  watching the growing darkness of the night setting in through the window of her room, thinking that perhaps she might get an earlier train home the following day than she had first planned. There wasn't much point in staying any longer after all.

She had done her shopping. The bags sat in a pile in the corner of the room as evidence, even though she couldn't even find the enthusiasm to go through what she had bought with any pleasure. She had seen some of the sights she had wanted to as well, and taken several photo's. and her camera lay on the bed next to her, but she couldn't be bothered looking them over either.

She tried to distract herself from the growing sense of melancholy she was feeling, by turning on the television in her hotel bedroom, and flicking through the channels. So it was Friday night, and here she was, as usual  watching telly yet again. But at least she was looking at four different walls, she found herself realising dryly, but it was cold comfort.