Commitment

Chapter Twenty-One

Entangled in each other's arms, Eddie was studying Paula's face, with some satisfaction, that she seemed to have a more contented expression, as she snuggled against him. "Feeling better now?" he then queried

"A little," Paula replied, "It's just been a strange few days, that still feels unreal for some reason" she then attempted to explain. "And the strangest part was today, at the funeral sitting there at my mother's funeral and feeling absolutely nothing emotionally, no sorrow, no feeling of loss or grief, how could I? Even though she was the woman that gave birth to me, I had no connection with her whatsoever, I felt fake when the vicar was giving that sermon about how much she would be missed. I have never missed her in life, never mind in death" she then admitted

"Well, I guess that's understandable under the circumstances" Eddie said looking thoughtful "But, you have nothing to feel bad or guilty about. After all she was the one who abandoned you, and never wanted to connect with you again, even though she knew she could if she wanted to, so it's all on her"

"True," Paula conceded, "Actually, it's also made me appreciate the fact that my Gran looked after me. Even though she complained a lot, and was over protective with me, she could have just as easily handed me onto the social services, to dump me in some children's home or foster care, so I will always think of her as my mother, and she will be the only one I will ever mourn for" she finished sadly.

"Well it's all over with now," Eddie replied, feeling a sense of relief himself

"Yes, and I suppose the upside of it all, is I will never be wondering again about my mother anymore, why she left me and what she might be doing, or if she will ever try and contact me" Paula then realised in cold comfort, "I am just not sure how I go on from here though, trying to get on with my life as normal when everything still feels so abnormal at the minute"

"It might take some time, but I know you will pull through it, you are stronger than you think, that much I do know, so don't let anyone make you believe any different" Eddie assured her with a small smile, his hand going up to caress her cheek.

Paula smiled back "I wouldn't know what I would have done if I had not had you to see me through all this" she then admitted, "These last few months being with you, it makes me feel I can do anything"

"Well, that's because you can" he returned moving his face closer, so he could kiss her, "you are a very special woman Paula, you even make me want to be a better person" he confessed.

"Hmm," Paula replied kissing him back now and savouring the feel of his mouth on hers, "you don't have to be, I love you just the way you are" she said, but then as if in realisation that she had spoken the words aloud, her eyes opened to look into his with slight dismay, "Oh dear, I have gone and mentioned the L word, I'm sorry I didn't mean to ruin the moment"

But rather than seeming uneasy at this slip up, Eddie just smiled, "You haven't ruined anything," he told her a little huskily and kissed her again to prove it, and when he finally released his mouth from hers his expression was deadly serious "You know you don't have to rush back, you can stay here with me, for as long as you like, in fact I hope you will" he then said.

Paula just stared back, unsure if he meant what she thought he did.

"Are you asking me to move in with you Eddie Conway?" she queried trying to keep her tone light-hearted, wondering if he was teasing her to see her reaction, because she had said she loved him

"What if I am?" he returned also smiling, but his eyes were boring into hers questioningly "Would you want to?"

Now realising he was indeed serious, Paula turned to stare up at the ceiling for a moment contemplating what he was asking, "Wow, and there is me thinking nothing else could come along to shock me today" she then said with a shaky laugh