Moving Forward

Insecurities and its Many Forms

Gabe's POV

School was boring, the classes sucked and our fellow students were fucking morons. Hell, we saw drugs sold right in the hallway, couples almost screwing, and kids carving into a desk with a switchblade. There were fights in almost every hall. Nerds being jammed into trashcans and forcefully shoved into lockers and do not get me started on how they treated gays. If it wasn't for North I would be one of the unidentified bodies in the local morgue. It didn't matter that I wasn't gay or bi-sexual. They went after me because of the way I dressed and their ignorance. When my brothers suggested I might want to tone my style down some I told them to go fuck themselves. No one was telling me how to dress.

I finally got up the nerve to tell Luke that I would be moving in with him and Vic once this job was finished. I wasn't expecting a reply, I already decided it was happening. Knowing Victor, they got an apartment located between their two schools. I could bunk in with Luke until we got a bigger place. Maybe even a penthouse. I wouldn't be able to start school until next fall so I would keep myself busy decorating the apartment while they were in class. Knowing them, I would need to replace their entire wardrobe while I was at it. Then there were the missions we would be doing. I knew they had a girl currently on their team, but they wouldn't need her once I was with them. A three-man team could accomplish a lot, especially if we concentrated on our strengths. Victor with his hacking skills, Luke, and his theft abilities and then there was me. I was multi-talented. Shit, give me a few months in Boston; the society women would be begging me to dress them and their daughters. Maybe I didn't need to go to college or a tech school. Victor could introduce me. He could brag about how I chose all his clothes and styled his hair, prepared him for all his concerts. Fuck, I could become a Professional Shopper. I would make a fortune.

I let out a heavy sigh. I wasn't fooling anyone, not even myself. For all I knew they could be living in college dorms and had roommates. If I forced myself on them, they could end up resenting me. There was no quick fix for this and it wasn't an ordinary spat. Trust was a fragile emotion and we stomped all over theirs without hesitation. We have been close friends since we were five. Long before Mr. B, Doc, North, and Silas joined us. We hadn't needed the Academy to make us a family, we were already one. Yes, I quit the team, but the guys knew I didn't mean it. I was just blowing off steam. It is the way I am.

We had all been envious of Victor. We would have been less surprised if Kota had gotten the offer. He was the smartest among the seven of us. Being accepted for a special program at M.I.T. was a big deal. The problem was that he was our moneyman; semi famous and played with electronics. We weren't used to thinking of him as a genius. He played the piano for a living and had the money we needed. We never looked deeper. Then there was Luke. He was usually our most easygoing member. It had been a shock when he stood up to Mr. B on Victor's behalf. While I expected him to side with me in all matters, he was my best friend, after all. I was hurt and jealous; he was choosing Vic over me. He should have stayed out of it like the rest of us. Leave Vic to handle it himself. Victor would have realized that he made a mistake; he would have returned home and begged us to take him back. With Luke siding with him, it would drag on longer than it should have.

Pam was in rehab. Mr. Ericson didn't give her a choice. I was furious when I learned about the money from the Government. Pam and I ended up having a screaming match. I said some hurtful things that I shouldn't have and Foxy took me to task over it. She pointed out that I had my brothers while Pam had no one once I shut her out. We were supposed to be a family, the two of us against the world. It is what we promised each other when my dad died. Somewhere along the way, I forgot about my promise and left Pam behind. I was seeing a Therapist, which I didn't like. I tolerated it though because it was to help Pam, to stop me from being such a thoughtless fuck. I was told that the way I phrased things were insulting. That I often hurt others' feelings with my rude comments; opinions on how they presented themselves to the world. I was pissed and wouldn't talk to the Therapist after that for the next two appointments. That was after I told her that her hair looked like shit and her grandmother must have passed down her suit to her. That the color made her skin look sallow and she was too heavy handed with the makeup. I guess it wasn't the best way to start out. I wouldn't apologize, it was my opinion and I was sticking to it; freedom of speech and all that shit.

I was staying with a middle-aged couple's team. They worked for the Youth Center that the Academy runs. They weren't bad, Shan had Mr. Blackbourne and Doc interview them to insure I would be okay. I was helping them at the Center. I was teaching kids how to choose their personal style, to decide how they wanted to present themselves to the world. It was challenging, they were all quick witted and stubborn. I loved every minute I spent with them, even when they tattled on me for swearing. I was also teaching an art class, we painted with everything from coffee to pulverized beets. My students enjoyed it and I must admit that we have achieved some beautiful results. Currently we were learning to make our own egg tempera paint, finding different ways to tint it to achieve the colors we wanted.  Something I hadn't known and was surprised to find out was that Vic used to give piano lessons at the Center once a week and Luke had done cooking lessons. I couldn't understand why they never said anything. It hurt.