Heavens rainbow

Chapter 10

It's been two weeks since Phil and I's, um, encounter and since I had that dream. The dream terrified me, absolutely terrified me. I've been avoiding Phil at all costs, which wasn't easy. Even though I'm not in danger anymore he still feels the need to protect me. Over the time I was avoiding Phil, I met a girl named Louise. She was really funny and we got along well. She had a scar slashed across her lip and over her arms because she died in a car crash. Some people's scars were very hard to read, I only knew hers because she told me. Nobody ever asked me how I died since my scars are very easy to read. I hate it. I hate people seeing my scars and looking at me with pity in their eyes. I know I was weak, I wasn't strong enough to live. I know that but I don't want people pitying me for it.

I discovered that Athena, Avery's girlfriend, died of breast cancer. She didn't have any scars when she came her so she was given a scar of the breast cancer logo over her heart, or so I've been told.

"Hellooo? Earth to Dan!" Louise clicked her fingers in my face and I snapped my head towards her.

"Hm?" Was the first reaction I could manage as I blushed lightly.

"I said," She began in a bit of an annoyed tone. "Phil is looking for you." I blushed a deeper shade of red and my body grew nervous.

"Oh, um..." I drifted off and tried desperately to come up with an excuse, but I've been doing this for two weeks and there's not much more excuses I can use.

"You can't avoid him forever, Dan." Louise sighed while crossing her arms.

"W-What? No, I'm not avoiding him." Louise gave me this look that told me she knew I was full of shit. I bit my lip and looked down towards my feet that were anxiously kicking the dirt below. "It's complicated." I mumbled. Louise opened her mouth to respond but a voice interrupted her.

"Dan!" Fuck. I didn't bother looking in the direction of the voice, I knew who it was.

"I-I gotta go."

"Dan-No!" Louise tried to grab my arm to stop me but she only brushed against me for I ran away too fast, which was shocking because I don't run. I tried not to but I couldn't help but look back to see Phil's face looking so hurt back at me. I wanted to turn around. I wanted to hug him and tell him how sorry I am. But I can't. I can't risk it. I kept running until I reached my house that was given to me when I got here. Once I was in I hunched over, hands on my knees as I panted from running so fast. I was already breathing very heavy so the only sign that I was crying were the tears falling down my face and the ache in my heart. Phil probably hates me, I don't blame him. I hope he doesn't think I'm running from him, because I'm not. I'm running from my feelings. Whenever I'm around him I get that heart fluttering, stomach-flipping, flustering nervousness that scares me so much.

I've never loved.

I don't know how to love.

I don't know if I'm allowed to love.

I'm scared to even say the word out loud out of fear that I won't be able to say it.

There was a knock on the door, I froze like a possum while holding my breath to silence my cries.

"Dan, open up. It's me." The familiar voice of my friend Louise travelled through the door and bounced off the walls of my empty house. I whipped my eyes and very hesitantly opened the door half-way. She didn't hesitate to open it the rest of the way and let herself in, may I add she didn't do this with much grace.

"What the flip was that?!" She questioned very loudly while giving me this glare that looked far too familiar. I stayed silent and shrunk under her gaze, the same as I used to with my mum. I choked back tears as intense memories flashed through my mind. Louise noticed this and softened her expression.