Heavens rainbow

Chapter 15

Chris had finally went to bed, without dinner, and his dog curled in a ball by his feet. I figured I should figure out how to control that whole going-back-but-can-still-see-what's-going-on thing that Jesus was telling me about. What was the thing I had to say again? Shit, well this is just great. Come on Dan, think. I think it started with an N? Noien? Nextrix? I said these words out loud but nothing happened.

"Novis." In the blink of an eye I was standing in the same place I was before I went back to Earth. It was dark and the town was asleep, allthough I'm not sure what time it was. Usually being alone in the dark would scare me, but I knew I was safe here. The only thing that scared me now was seeing PHil. What would I say to him? What would he say to me? Probably nothing nice and honestly, I couldn't take that right now. Back to avoiding him, I guess. Although this time it won't be as hard since he's probably avoiding me too. The thought of that made my heart slump. I really fucked up this time. I thought of that the whole five minute walk to my house and even after I shut the door and slumped onto my couch.

This place was filled with memories that I couldn't bare to think of. Phil would come over here almost every day, and when he wasn't here I was at his. The only time when we weren't glued at the hip was the few weeks that I was avoiding him because of... Well, you know. I try not to think about that but I find it crossing my mind almost every day and it's only gotten worse since our fight. It used to be certain thought of him that I didn't want in my head, now it's all of them. It's not that I don't want to think of him because I'm mad at him, if I'm going to be mad at anyone it's going to be myself. I don't want to think about him because it makes me sad. I can no longer think about his beautiful smile that warms my heart and how his tongue sticks out the side of his mouth when he laughs. I can't think about his beautiful blue eyes that could always stare right through me. I can no longer think about how he made me feel. How he made me feel important, like I was worth something. How he made me stomach turn and my heart flutter. But the more I try not to think about these things, the harder it gets. It's like my mind is rebelling against itself. Whenever I tell my mind 'No' it does the opposite and the thought come back stronger than the last.

And now here I am, sitting on my couch trying to hold back tears but failing miserably. I really need to stop crying so fucking much, but it hurts so bad. It's only been a week but I miss him so much. I guess I deserve this, I did do this exact thing to him not too long ago. I didn't think it hurt this bad, I hope Phil didn't feel like this, but I also kind of do. Cause that would mean he cares about me. But this also sucks and I would never want him to feel like this, ever. The feeling of someone you love hating you and not being able to see them, it fucking sucks.

Okay Dan, stop pitying yourself. I have to figure out how this whole mind thing works.

I whipped the final tears from my eyes and sat up straight. So, how the buns am I supposed to do this? Maybe if I just concentrate. On what? God, I really wish Phil was here to help me with this.

Stop.

I shook the thought of him out of my head. I closed my eyes and tried to focus.

I need to check on Chris. I need to see if he's okay.

I kept repeating things like this to myself in hopes that something would happen. Suddenly an image flashed across my eyes, it was only there for a split second but I could tell that it was Chris. I opened my eyes to make sure I was still in my house, I was, weird. I closed my eyes and tried to do whatever I just did again. I squeezed my eyes shut in concentration once the image flashed across my eyes again. I managed to make it last longer this time. I relaxed my eyes but held onto my mental concentration. I could see him, he was in the same place as I left him, curled up in his bed next to his dog. Could I move? I turned my head to the left and looked towards his door, which in my life was probably my fireplace. I focused on the door and I was able to walk through it. This was so weird. It felt like I was walking in my head, but I could still feel my body sitting on my couch. This was all really strange and I wanted to open my eyes but I kept them shut. I was able to look around the whole house, nothing was going on since everyone was asleep. I'll check back in on him in the morning.

I opened my eyes and was pulled back into my reality. Wow, that was by far the weirdest yet coolest thing that I've ever done. It still felt kind of creepy, stalking someone. I could literally see anything and everything he does if I wanted to, lucky for him I give him privacy.

My mind wandered back to Phil, this time it wasn't because of how much I miss seeing his beautiful smile, gorgeous eyes or the sound of his laugh- Stop it, Dan. I was thinking about how he was my guardian and how he could see everything I did just like I can see everything Chris does, if I wanted to. He was so paranoid and protective I wouldn't be surprised if he never took his eyes off of me. That's a really unsettling thought, let's stop thinking about that.

What if something bad happens to him while I'm not looking? Do I get a warning alarm or something? I know Phil was always right on time, unfortunately. Fuck, this is so confusing. I should just let him die, I know what it's like to be in his situation and it's not fun. Plus it's so much better up here, if you don't screw it up. That's what I'll do, I'll let him die. I know you're not supposed to but it's what's best for him. Maybe this is why Jesus gave me this job instead of Phil. You see, Phil cared too much and his hopes were too high. He always thought I could fight through it and everything would be fine, but he was wrong. I know that Chris isn't gonna be able to handle this much longer, all the signs are there. His friends may not know it, but pretty soon they're gonna be down one member.  

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A/N: Short crappy chapter, sorry. I'm just building up to the good stuff. So stay tuned for more! Thanks for reading! :)