They Said That I Had Changed - Book 2

Chapter 5 - Rayna

She sets down a plate of biscuits in front of me and I watch as Evander sneakily reaches in whilst she isn't looking, taking five cookies and running off. I repress the urge to laugh at him and he grins at me before disappearing round the corner.

As he does this, my mother turns around to face me and smiles.

'Would you like anything to drink,' she asks, her voice wavering ever so slightly as if she's actually nervous about talking to me.

'Do you have apple juice?' I ask and she nods, taking the carton from the fridge and pouring the liquid into a tall, crystal glass. She hands it to me and I thank her before taking a tentative sip.

She pokes her head into the hall and closes the kitchen door. I don't think she wants Evander involved in this conversation.

'So, I promised you we'd talk, so how about now?'

'Yeah sure,' I shrug. I'm intrigued to hear what she has to say.

She settles herself in the chair opposite me and smiles slightly, tapping her fingers, adorned with grey chipped nail polish, on the table.

'I was incredibly stupid,' she says bluntly, not bothering to sugar coat her past behaviour, 'I suppose there's no other way to describe it as I was jealous and angry,'

'Jealous?' I splutter and stare at her with wide eyes, 'jealous of me?'

'Jealous of your relationship with Evander. He never seemed to like me and yet he adored everything about you,' she sighs, 'I know it was my own fault, I put my work before you kids and it forced us apart,'

'It did,' I admit truthfully and she shoots me a sad smile. This situation is strange to me, I haven't ever seen my mother in such a vulnerable position before so I'm not really sure how to respond to her,'

She takes a sip of her coffee and stares down at the patterns on the cloth covering the table.

'I suppose I was also still holding on to a tiny bit of anger and hurt at your father,' at the mention of his name, it feels like the air is being sucked out of the room. I don't even want to think about him, he hurt my little brother in a way no one should and I couldn't ever forgive him for that.

'I understand,' I say. After he left it had hit us all hard. Mostly I felt relief but there was always a flicker of terror, nervousness that he'd come back and this time be worse. It makes me feel uncomfortable just thinking about it.

We both stay quiet for a moment. We've touched on a difficult subject and it seems to have an effect on us both. Finally, she meets my gaze once again.

'I'm so sorry,' she says, her voice cracking in the middle before she begins to cry, 'Rayna I'm so sorry, I don't know what came over me,'

I stand from my seat and join her around the other side of the table where she's now covered her face in her hands.

'I-I was such an idiot. What kind of mother throws her daughter out for nothing? You never did anything to me and I threw you out of my house at eighteen,' she cries, 'eighteen! I didn't even think about how you'd live. I pretty much destroyed your life,'

'No you didn't,' I assure her. I cradle her in my arms and it's as we've swapped into one another's lives. I feel like a protective mother whilst she's the child desperately in need of comforting, 'mother I'm still here, I'm happy and content. I have friends around me and I live in a lovely apartment near a really nice area. I have a job and am able to provide for myself. I'm perfectly fine, you haven't wrecked my life,'

'It's not about how well you've done for yourself, it still doesn't excuse the fact that I'm a pathetic excuse for a mother,'

As much as I don't want to admit it to myself, her words do contain some truth and she shouldn't have done the things she did. Still, there's nothing to be done now and I've spent too long holding insignificant grudges. The last thing I want to do is keep another one, I would rather us move on and become the family we should've been all those years ago.