I Can't Stop [Niam]

Chapter 8

Ok, so this update was long over due. I really want to apologize for that. School has just been kicking my ass lately. Anyway, the pictue on the side is a visual of the meadow they are in. I hope you guys like the update and anyway and I would really like to hear what you think of this chapter. Oh, I also really liked the answers to my questions on the last chapter. It's really going to help me in the development of my story and I nearly died laughing when t3am1d answer to the second question. As always, thank you all who is actually reading my stories. You guys all rock! <3

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I couldn’t face Liam today, I just couldn’t. I didn’t have the strength to. As soon as he saw me, he would have started questioning my behavior from this weekend or he would have brought up that we’re tutoring each other. Basically, I just didn’t want to talk to Liam. So, I did the only logical thing I can think of to avoid him.

I ran.

As soon as I finished talking to Mr. Cowell, I bolted out the front doors of the school. I didn’t stop running until I hit my secret spot, a meadow that is hidden in the woods not far from my house.

This place was my sanctuary. I go here when I have nowhere else to go. When I was upset, angry, or just needed some peace and quiet, I would go here. Meaning, I have been here a lot in the past few months.

I dropped my bag off by a tree that wasn’t surrounded by white flowers and went to the matted part of grass in the middle of the field. No matter how many times I have been here, it still manages to take my breath away. The meadow wasn’t that huge, but it was covered in the most beautiful white flowers. There is that patch in the middle of the flowers that is just grass that is always just begging for someone to lie down on. There are a lot of trees around the meadow, so it’s always shaded and cool.

The place is perfect and it’s all mine…and Liam’s.

Yupp, Liam knows about this place too. We had found it when we were eight actually. We just happened to stumble upon it one day when we were playing around in the woods. We had called it ours and would play in it for hours and hours, every day. One day he had just stopped going here with me. When I questioned it, he told me that we weren’t little kids anymore. I guess, according to him, I never grew up, because I continued going to this meadow without him.

I laid down in patch and grass and tried to catch my breath from all that running. It’s never been a secret that I’ve never been much of an athletic type of person, but lately I have been feeling more worn out and tired than usual. I’m not an idiot. I know it’s from me cutting back on my food. My body is not used to the fact that I am consuming less food.

I didn’t come here to think about that though. I didn’t want to think about Liam, or school, or how hungry I was. I just want to lay here and stare at the beauty of this place or just fall asleep. I can definitely use more sleep to stop feeling so tired all the time.

But, of course, my brain wasn’t cooperating with me. No matter how hard I tried, my thoughts would go to Liam.

The boy is just perfect. He’s got those big brown, puppy eyes that make it hard to say no to him. His hair is always perfectly styled and is a beautiful brown. He takes real good care of himself, the reason why he’s got a smoking body. But, he is so caring and sweet. He is a great and loyal friend. I used to be able to go to him for anything.

Key words are used to. I can’t do that now. I can’t go up to him and tell my insecurities and my deepest thoughts. If I did that I would have to tell him about how I am in love with him.

I will never be able to tell him how much he means to me. I’m too scared to. I don’t want to lose him as a friend. I don’t want him to think of me as some disgusting, fat ass, fag. But, most of all, I am afraid of rejection.

Even if he wasn’t disgusted by me and still wanted to be friends, I would still get rejected. He can be gay and I would still get rejected. I’m not good enough for Liam. I look and feel disgusting. He doesn’t want to be around people like me. I don’t even know why he, or any of my friends, is still friends with someone as ugly and fat as me. Bottom line is: people like Liam, don’t want people.

“I knew I would find you here!”

I shot straight up and looked straight at the devil himself. I gave him a confused look. “Liam, how did you know I would be here?”

He came over and sat beside me. “Come on Ni, I know you better than anyone else.”

I stared at for a short while after that and the resumed to my earlier position, only this time Liam joined me.

It was quiet for a few more minutes and then Liam spoke up. “I forgot how pretty this place is. I don’t know why ever stopped coming here?”

I gave a small, kind of sad grin. “You told me it was time to grow up and to stop playing in this meadow.”

He let out a soft laugh at that. “Man was I stupid as a kid.”

We both chuckled a bit at that before falling into another few minutes of silence.

Liam broke this one to. “You’ve been avoiding me all day and I know why.” He turned to look at me, but I refused to remove my eyes from the sky. He continued. “We’re going to have to talk about it eventually.”

I sighed and met his gaze. “I-I was thinking about my m-mom and I started freaking out.” I lied.

He sighed and reached out and took a hold of my hand. My breath hitched and my heart started beating really loudly and my head got a bit dizzy. All from him just grabbing my hand.

He seemed too oblivious to notice though. “Niall, you’re a shitty liar.” He let out another quick chuckle before his face turned serious again. “There something wrong with you. I really do miss the bubbly, smiling, laid back leprechaun that you used to be. I’m not going to push you into telling me what it is though. I just want you to know that I will find out and I will fix it.”

I gave him a small tight lip smile. I’m never going to let him find out. Plus, you can’t fix something that’s not broken.

After a few more minutes of silence, he let go of my hand and stood up. I, instantly, missed the warmth it gave me, but followed his example anyway.

He smiled at me. “Come on buddy, we got some tutoring to do.” He said as soon as I grabbed my back pack. I instantly groaned and that set him in a fit of laughter.

After he calmed down, I looked at the time on my phone. It was still lunch time. “Why aren’t you at school having lunch with your girlfriend right now?” I questioned.

A small blush came to his cheeks. I was genuinely shocked. I’ve known Liam for a long time, he doesn’t blush.

He bit down on his lip for a second before answering. “Some people are just more important right now.”

What?!