I Won't Let Go [ BWWM ]

Chapter 4

Why… Can’t….You….

** Journee**

(1 week later)

Laying across my bed exhausted from a long day of getting into my new place. I had to purchases all new items and clothes. I miss my old place. I was a rundown true but it was the first place that was a home to me and nothing bad ever happened to me.  I roll over on my back and smile as I touch my lips. My mind is well into over drive thinking about that kiss I gave to Ethan. “UGH” I yell out in frustration. I shouldn’t have ever kissed him. I was doing it to make everyone there pissed.

I lazily get up and head to the bathroom and prepare for my shower. Standing under the water feeling my muscles losing up and my body relax more. I stop and feel all the pain in me come out in tears. Suddenly, my legs come from under me, curl myself up and just cry while the water cascades down on my worthless body.

Finally, arriving at the club I go in the back to change and get ready for the night ahead. It doesn’t matter how many times I’ve been on that stage fear and panic take over.

After I finish with my first dance in the big stage I change my clothes to do either personal lap dances or table that was until I hear my name being called.

“Journee, yo I been calling you for the past few minutes.” “My bad deep in thoughts.” I lied while smiling through my teeth. “What eva J. phone for you.” “The what?” “Phone you know the things people call each other on.” “I know what they are. I mean no one ever calls me” “First time for everything.” Stacy says giving me the phone. I step out there it is less noise.

“Hello.” “See you soon”” Hel.” The line went dead. 

Rushing back in to find Stacy. “Who was that on the phone?” I quickly asked her. “I do not know. He asked for you by your name which I thought was weird.” “Then why didn’t you say I don’t know a Journee?” “Damn why didn’t I think of that. Next time I’ll remember that.” I looked her then walked off.

Work was over I waited for bout everybody to leave. I ran to my car and looked around. Nothing seemed off. I got in my car to crank it with.

“GOT CHA” I heard as I let out a loud scream. Hands covered my mouth. “Ssshhh, it’s me Ethan.” My body relaxed I removed his hand to see him laughing. For fucks sake Ethan, what the hell are you doing here.” “You got some mouth on you Ms. Journee.” Oh, I get it you want to find out what I can do with my mouth.” “No that is not what I meant, I meant language wise.” I smirk “Well you muther fucker you scared the shit out me now tell me what the fuck do you want?” “Cute” He says in a bored tone. “I have questions only you can answer. Why did you go to that house to find me?” I got out the car and Ethan got off the back seat. “It was pay back.” “How did you know I was going to be there?” I was in QT and heard you talking.” “Eavesdropping now.” I rolled my eyes. “Why do you care anyways what my motives were. Oh, I get it now, little wifey up set.” “I don’t have a “wifey”.” He says in air quotes while mocking my voice. “It was you who called my job tonight wasn’t it?” I looked him deep in his blue eyes. “Why did you kiss me Journee?” “I’m leaving now.” I say opening my car door. “I see you can’t answer my question.” I looked at him.” What eva church boy.” I closed my doors and locked them. Put on my seat belt. I waved at him then I left and went home.

** Ethan **

I knew I shouldn’t of came to her job, but that kiss. I can’t stop thinking about her lips upon mine. The way my hands were on her body. That kiss took my breath and it was as if she and I was the only one there. I was like God stop time just for us. 

Ever since that night my parents, Chloe and her parents have been on my back about what happen and how do I know her. I’m drained and sick of it all. I just call out to God and wait to hear his voice and guide me in his ways, I know not to depend on man’s ways.

I’m trying to sleep but I would I just open my bible to study. I found one of my favorite scriptures

Matthew 11:28 Come to me, all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.

While studying on that another scripture came to mind.

Job 23:10 When he has tested me, I will come forth as gold.

“God I don’t know what you’re doing in my life. I have learned not to question you but only trust you. God please watch over Journee. Keep her save in what she does. I don’t know why you had us to cross paths with each other God. You are my leader and my strength I trust on you because only you know what is best for me. Thank you, God.

Amen.” 

After saying my prayer, I got into bed and felt the darkness take over.

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