I Won't Let Go [ BWWM ]

Chapter 27

Trying 

**Ethan**

We were in the taxi heading to the airport when I thought of something. “Journee what if we stay one more night. Not at the same hotel another one and we experience Hilton Head and without my family around.” “Having people think I am going around sleeping with other men. Hell naw. I’m good.” “They think we have left. No one will know. You look like you had a fun time. Ashame to cut it this short.” “Fine long as I don’t have to see them.” “Driver can you take us to another hotel away from this one.” “Yes, sir I can.”

We arrived at another hotel and checked in. We decided just to get a joining room. We ordered some room service and after I being studying the bible.

“Journee, do you know about God?” I asked in A serious tone. “I know some about the bible but no I don’t.” “Journee if you don’t remember anything else from me please know this, ‘For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. John 3:16’ please remember this.” 

“Why should I?” “Jesus is love Journee I understand bad things has happen to you and I can’t even begin to feel the things you went through. You lost your son. I don’t even have any children and I couldn’t even imagine. Journee look at how far God has brought you.” “Ethan leave Oliver out of this.” “Journee, you have a heart it’s just damaged from things that has happen to you. God can and will restore all of this, all of your brokenness if you let him.” “Can God give me my mom and my son back?”

“You’re still grieving.” “Your mom is still alive Ethan. I don’t have no fucking body. No family, no child nothing. My fucking sorry ass parent didn’t want me. They left me on the got damn side of the fucking road and some found me took me to the hospital and I got into the system. I’m better off fucking broken and I don’t need shit from them or nobody.” I watch her break down in front of me with tears sliding down her screaming in pain.

“Life hurts us all even me. No one is a stranger to the hurtful and painful thing we feel and go through in life. What we must believe is that it is more to our suffering that meets the eye. Even me as a pastor I hate weakness and will wont to do anything to escape the hurt that pain but then I will miss what God is showing me and teaching me but mostly God’s blessings.” “What blessing did God teach me by taking my son away?” “Journee, you need to talk to God about that. I am not God I can’t answer that. God has a reason for everything.” 

“What did my son do?” “He didn’t do anything Journee but you need to trust God. If you have to cry out through words or cry out through tears you do it and cry out to God. I know it still hurts you deep in your core that you lost your son and I know it can make it feel unbearable at times or even hard to breath in those moments you need to go to God. I am not sure but I think your reason is doubt. You doubt you can trust God, you doubt God can restore you, you doubt God can make you whole and replace all things. God can’t replace you mom or Oliver but He will give you another child when its time.” “I can’t go through that again.”

“Journee, take it from me your life will be so much richer with God guiding you.” “Can we move on from this.” “Yeah we can. Do you want to watch a movie?” “Yes, what can. What is available?” While looking, I see one of my favorite movies. “I found one song bird.” “What movie.” “War Room.” “What is that about?” “Let’s just watch it.”

“How did you like the movie?” “I would have left his ass. Lying cheating ungrateful bastard.” “That’s what you took from the movie.” “Yes, what else. I liked it though I’m tired I’m going to bed. Good night Ethan.” “Good night song bird.” 

I went and took a shower then after I went to check on Journee she was fast asleep.

‘Dear God, I come to you right now asking you to open up Journee’s heart that the words I gave her help her to come to you. I don’t know how to help her or guide her. God please step in and guide her. She is so lost but God I know you can and will meet her where she is. Please take care of her give her answers she desperately needs to understand why she was going through so much hurt and pain. Her voice God, please let her use it for you glory God and nothing else. I plea the blood of Jesus over her life. In the might name of Jesus I pray Amen.’

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