I Won't Let Go [ BWWM ]

Chapter 20

Chapter 20

Went Wrong 

** Ethan**

Looking at Journee while we watch ‘In the Heat of the Night’ I notice tears flowing down her face. I’m torn on what to do. Do I go to her and see what’s wrong or pretend I do not see her. The internal battle rages on in my head as I walk over to her and wipe the tears with my thumb.

“Journee what’s wrong.” “Nothing I’m fine.” “Please don’t lie to me.” “Ethan don’t push this.” “Stop pushing me away. Talk to me.” “Fine you really want to know? What you saying no I have never felt it. When you’re a prostitute you don’t get that luxury. You get fucked. Sometimes it’s not even a good fuck it’s just enough to get them off. I haven’t sold my body in over two years but yes, I did it and if I have to I will fucking do it again. It’s better than being held down and it’s taken from you. At least now I have control.” I look at her as she cries and I hold her hand. “Journee, I’m here and I’m not going anywhere.” “You say that now but when that bitch Chloe gets with you that’s it.” “I’m not ever going to be with Chloe.” “Well whoever the fuck you are going to end up with. What woman is going to let you be with me. I’m stripper. Your parents hate me. They want you far away from me.” “I’m a grown man Journee, God is the only one who can tell me where go and who to be with. Yes, I will always respect my parent but they do not run my life.” “Ethan, I’m toxic. I am no good for you.” “Why are you running away from me?” “Why are you running towards me?” I looked at her in her brown eyes then out of nowhere her lips crashed upon mine. Feeling her soft lips on mine made me want them more. The kiss got more passionate and heavier but in a good way. She put her arms around my neck while mine found their way to her waist. I pulled away from her looking at her in her beautiful brown eyes. I eagerly rushed to kiss her again. She pulls away.

“We can’t Ethan. I’m no good for you. You need to be with one of them woman who wears big hats in church.” I laugh at her with my hands still on her waist. “Journee I don’t know who I am going to end up with God has not revealed her to me.” “Anybody is better than me.” “Please don’t do that.” “Do what?” “Put yourself down. You are beautiful, smart, talented, and funny.” “Ethan” “Yes Journee.” “Can we stay here tonight. Just away from the outside world.” “Will that make you happy?” “Yes, it will.” I got my phone text Curtis and told her yes, we can.

I asked the nurses for some more blankets and pillows and Journee was on the couch watching T.V. “Why are you all the way over there?” “Thought you wanted to stay the night.” “We are and you can sleep on this couch with me. I know it’s not that big but still.” I laugh a little and walk over to the couth and lay down with her. “Is this your first-time being in alone in bed with a woman before?” “Yes, it is.” “Don’t worry I’m not going to fuck Ethan.” “Thank you, Journee.”  I kissed her forehead and as we laid and watched T.V. ‘til we fell asleep.

‘God please give me answers and guidance. I trust you Lord.’ I say lowly to myself then went back to sleep. 

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