I Won't Let Go [ BWWM ]

Chapter 40

Never Ending Pain 2

**Journee** 

“Journee, come on let’s go.” I stood and placed my hand in Ethan’s hand. I go and stood right in front of my biological parents and Chloe. I looked dead in Vivan’s eye’s. “You’re not and never will be mother. My mom died along time ago.” “Did she push you out?” “I have seen animals give birth don’t make them parents. Much like you. When I had my baby, I didn’t leave him on side the fucking road. I was a mother unlike you. Selfish bitch.” “Where is my grandson.” Rayford asked. “Away from you and you will never see him” “Journee, isn’t you child dead?” Chloe asked. At that moment, the rest od crumbled.

“How the fuck are you gonna say I was bad mother when your kid is dead she said with a smile on her face. “My son died in my arms not on the fucking side of the road.” “Are you sure he didn’t die because his mom is whore?” “My son died happy and with his mother’s love. His mom is a whore but guess what I was their and took care of him.” She opened her mouth to say something else but I slapped her hard across the face.

Rayford was coming towards me but Ethan stepped in between us.  He saw Etans face and backed up. I looked at Chloe I punched her I the face hard as I could. Her head went down quick. She stayed down for a few moments. When she lifted her head up her blood was rapidly spilling from her nose. Chloe came racing towards calling me a bitch. I punched her in the her eye her mouth. Then I just swung and made contact. I felt myself being lifted me off of her. “Journee. It’s over.” Ethan put me back on my feet as we were walking out I punched Vivan in her face hard as I could. “That was for my son. You fucking bitch.”

The drive to my house was silent. I just looked out the window in my own zone replaying what had just happened and what was said contined to loop in my head. “Journee. We here.” I couldn’t even get it together. Ethan got my things walked over and help me out the car. After he unlocked the door and we walked in my tears stung my face as I broke the silence.

“They were right you know.” “Excuss me.” ‘My son is dead because of me.” “Stop it now Journee. Oliver is not dead because of you.” “He is dispointed in me just like my mom. I am worthless and I have nothing because I am nothing.” “Journee, trust me God has better plan for your and He did not take your son away to hurt you.” “I don’t even know who the hell my sons father is Ethan. What kind of mother am I.” “Look at how young you were none of this was your fault at all. It’s the men who raped you and drugged you. It’s their none of this is your fault.”
I broke down crying.
“I just want my son back” Ethan rushed over to me and held me why I cried.

After I finally stopped crying I looked at ocean eyes with my broken eyes. “Do you want something to eat? I can fix you something.” “I would like that. I’m going to take a bath while you cook.” I sat in the tub until the water got cold. I got out and put some more hot water in the tub along with some lavender Epsom salt in the water to help me relax some more.
When I finally got out the tub I put on a tee shirt and some shorts and went in the kitchen where Ethan was. 
“How was your bath?” “It was ok.” “I made us bacon cheese burgers sliders.” “Thank you, Ethan,” “No need to thank me. I was happy to do it.” I played and picked over my food. “I need some hard liquor” “Jour that isn’t going to help you any. It’s not going to change anything.” “You don’t know that” “Sooner ot later you have to stop running. You have been running for a long time don’t you think its time to stop running. Journee, I never thought I would be able to live beyond my pain until God came and changed me. He changed my life and He can do the same thing for you.”
“Its not that easy Ethan. Can we talk about something else better yet watch movie or T.V.”? I actually have to go in a little bit and find me a hotel for the night.” “Why do have to stay in a hotel?” “My parents and Chloe are more tha likey going to be at my house.” I watch Ethans face change. “Journee come sit beside me.” I sat beside Ethan on the couch. “Journee, I had no clue they were going to be there. I talked to my parents and they said it will just be the four of us and for Chloe to find your so- called parents.” “One thing I am the mix of both of them. The perfect blend of the devil and his wife. Actually, I will not give them that much credit. The devil is nicer.” “Journee, you are a wonderful woman whom God created. You just got dealt a hand most can’t handle but you have. God never puts more on us than we can bear.”  “Can we talk about this in the morning. I’m drained” “Yes we can, Can I take a shower?” “No, you can’t. Stay in your funky oder.” I say laughing. 
“First time I seen you smile all day. Wear it more.” “I don’t have a reason to.” “You will in time. Your storm won’t always be here. Your rainbow is coming” “I don’t believe in rainbows. I live in hell where sun don’t shine and rainbows don’t come out.” ‘Journee” “Ethan go take a shower. I’m heading to bed.” “Good night Journee. I’ll try to hurry up” “Take your time. Thank you for everything. Good night Ethan”

(Morning)
I woke up this morning went to bathroom handled my business came out and saw Ethan still sleep. I begin cooking breakfast for Ethan and I. When I finished, I went to see if Ethan was up but I didn’t see him. I called out his name but no answer.
Suddenly I felt hands go around my waist from behind me. I jumped and screamed loud. “Calm down it’s me. I just wanted to surprise you.” “Damn it Ethan. You scared the hell out of me.” “I’m sorry. I have to eat quick because I have to go to work but before I do I have to go and change clothes and get somethings.” “Ok. I understand.” We ate in silence but I wanted to ask Ethan something I just didn’t know how to.
“I’m sorry to eat and run but I have to go.  I texted Curtis and he got me some stuff I just got to hurry to work.” I nodded my head and smiled. I watched Ethan open the door to go ou when the words flew out of my mouth before I could stop them.
“Will you go out on a date with me?”
Ethan stood still then turned and walked toward me. He looked me dead in my eyes. “I’ll be back after work to check on you.” His hands found their way to my waist and he leaned in and kissed me. Not a rushed kiss sweet, passionate, and slow. When he pulled away I wanted more. “I’ll be back.” I watched as he left but before he closed the door he smiled and winked at me.  I smiled to myself.

**Ethan**
After work, I went to parents. I am still full of anger about what they did to Journee. I told Curtis and he couldn’t believe it but he said, ‘then again I know how they are towards Journee.’
I pulled up at my parent’s house. I prayed to God asn asked him to speak for me. I walked up and knocked on the door my mom answered the door.
“Ethan” She said while trying to hug me but I went inside to see my dad sitting in the recliner. “Hey son” “Did either one of yall know what Chloe was doing or had planned for Journee?” “Ethan ple.” “No because I knew it was. I said I was bringing Journee and I just wanted it to be the four of us. How the the four of us turn into what happen.”
“I thought she would be happy to see her parents.” My mom said. “No, you didn’t. I saw the look on your face like you just won something. Do you know how bad yall hurt her, the damaged, the pain yall caused? Why. What has Journee every did to yall?” “Son we are just protected you.” “How? By destroying her.” “Son” “I begged and trusted yall not to do anything else to her and yall did the worse thing possible and yall don’t care. Your making excuesses and for what.”
“Ethan please listen.” “No there is nothing else that can be said. Yall along with Chloe have crossed the line.” “Ethan please just let me make it up to you,” “Mom it wasn’t just me you hurt. I will not allow the woman God has chosen for me to be put through COMPLETELY DONE!” I say with a sharp tone. “Same with Chloe and her family.”

I took my phone out and right in front of them blocked them from everything on my phone. I mean it. I’m done.” I walked out hearing my mom cry and call my name. As the tears streamed down my face.  

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