Ugh. Originally I didn't even wanna do the stupid video but I needed the money. What I didn't expect was the series of events to occur following the shoot though...I mean, I thought it'd just be a one time thing with this guy but apparently he had o...
I arrived back at my apartment, setting my various shopping bags down. I had just finished dancing in yet another music video and had decided to treat myself. So far my career was really starting to finally take off and I was beyond excited at the new opportunities. I have already danced for Busta Rhymes, Janet Jackson, Blackstreet, etc. I know what y'all are thinking...Why aren't you at the Ranch?! Since Michael had to finish off the last leg of the 'HISTory' tour, I had decided to retreat back to the little cozy habitat of my apartment.
Of course I talked to Michael about it (he was against it at first but then reluctantly agreed) since it didn't feel right to continue to stay at the Ranch without him. We were still together but our relationship was starting to get...I didn't know how to describe it. I didn't wanna say that it was becoming 'boring' but it was definitely becoming 'routine' in a way. I definitely still love him like crazy but I don't know, I was feeling a whirlwind of confusion and emotions. I had tried to shove those feelings somewhere far away in the back of my mind but I couldn't help but think of him still every now and then. Since that incident that occurred in his studio a year ago, I haven't spoken to him since. Of course he tried to contact me but I simply ignored the requests. I was still hurt and angry with him with what he did, or what he had tried.
Walking into my mini kitchen, I fixed up a salad with some sparkling water, flicking my TV on for some type of entertainment. The date was the 13th of February. Valentine's Day was tomorrow and I wouldn't even get to spend time with my boyfriend because he was still away on fucking tour. I sighed, running a hand threw my hair. I accidentally flicked the channel on mtv, my body freezing at the sight now being shown on the screen.
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"The Artist Formally Known As Prince and his fiancée, Dancer and soon Mom-to-be Mayte Garcia were seen out last night at First Avenue.The Artist was seen in a rich salmon colored suit while the 23 year old beauty wore a Versace black dress, the words 'Baby' written in pink letters across the top. It had been reported that couple weren't in high spirits due to the hounds of paparazzi especially circling The Artist. Congratulations on their pregnancy! When asked on details of the wedding and the due date of the 'baby', we received no comment. "And now back to our Valentine Video Count Down..." The announcer spoke and my heart stopped at the familiar tune that now left from the tv. I wanted so badly to switch the the channel but I felt frozen, my eyes locked on the screen.
"I didn't even know he made a video for it..." I found myself whispering, my eyes locking with his through the tv screen. He must've shot it sometime over the last year. It felt almost as if his and Mayte's eyes were silently mocking me. I didn't like it at all. I could feel my fist clench slightly at my sides before I continued stuffing my now bland salad in my mouth. I didn't even know what I was tripping. It's obvious who this song was for. And she was right there, posing overdramtically on top of the piano.
Once the video finally ended, another one came rolling right in. I had never seen nor heard the song before. It definitely had me intrigued.
I never thought that you would be the one After all the things that we been through You gave your body to another in the name of fun I hope you had some baby if not, boo hoo It's so sad but I hate you...
"Woah...This is deep" I spoke softly, my attention fully focused on the screen now. As I watched the video in stunned silence I felt an emotion stir within me, my fork now clenched in my left hand. "I hate you, because I love you. But I can't love you, because I hate you!" Prince spoke and the next thing I knew, the tears were trickling down my cheeks at a rapid pace. He was singing about me. He had to have been....
When the music video finally came to a close, before the music video for 2Pac's 'California Love' could show I shut off the tv, throwing my dish in the sink. Removing my articles of clothing with trembling hands I decided to soothe my nerves by taking a nice hot bubble bath.
Once I submerged into the warmth of the water I felt my body relax, laying my head back against the white bathroom wall, my eyes closed. I couldn't stop replying the song over in my mind, the image of his face still lingering. Apparently the video's storyline was that he suspected his beloved Mayte was cheating however I couldn't help but get the pure fear that it's lyrics were meant for me instead. The message was definitely a powerful one. That emotion I kept feeling refused to go away, the sensation still lingering in my abdomen and I hit at the suds remaining in the water. "I hate him..." Cause he's all that's ever on my mind...
I was just about to start finally washing up my body when my cell phone rang. I ignored it at first, continuing to lather up the washcloth with the bar of soap. The ringing stopped for a few minutes before blaring again and I sighed in irritation, wiping my hands on the blue towel I had placed on top of the toliet lid prior. Grabbing my phone from the floor my eyes squinted at the unfamiliar number. "Hello?" I answered. There were a few moments of silence and before I could hang up the voice finally answered, their own tone soft, filled with caution.
