Breathless • Malec

xvii. Alec

Okay, seriously, I cannot begin to apologize enough. I am sososososo sorry for taking that long of a break! In case anyone was wondering, my exams went well, and I'm back and ready for action *insert finger guns* (Yes, I'm lame.)

Anywho, here's chapter 17. I hope you all enjoy it and are ready for the next one, which I PROMISE will be posted soon. :) Thank you all so much for sticking with me, I appreciate it so freaking much!

xvii. Alec

I knew I had made a mistake before I even took a step. It keeps coming back to this, I thought as I slowly stumbled down the street. Jace. I knew I couldn't really be with Magnus until I was completely over Jace.

But he was my best friend, and deep down I was already aware that there was no possibility of it ever happening. My own stupid dreams and a hopeless crush starting at age twelve had led to this.

Looking back one last time, I saw Magnus staring at me. Go back, I thought and I almost fully turned and ran to him, but I had to figure my own problems out first. Magnus didn't deserve someone as messy as me.

I couldn't torture him like that.

So, I walked home, back to the dorm, promising myself that I would make things right again. I would get over Jace, and I would fight for Magnus, fight for him as hard as he had fought for me. Even if it completely destroyed me.

It was late, and I expected Jace to be out, partying somewhere with Clary. I swung the door open, utterly exhausted. It had been a nice couple of days, staying at Magnus's, but now it was time to come back to reality.

The lights were off and it was pitch black, so you can imagine my panic when I heard Jace shout. "Alec! You're back!" and then to basically tackled me to the ground in a bear hug.

"Jace," I replied, a bit confused, hugging him back. I had expected something more along the lines of a cold shoulder, or complete and utter disgust. This was the opposite of every scenario I had imagined before.

He squeezed me tightly. "I missed you, he said softly, patting my shoulder as he pulled away. I couldn't stop myself from blushing.

I scratched the back of my neck awkwardly. "So," I began, trailing off and desperately hoping that Jace would start the awkward conversation I knew we were about to have.

"Alec," he said, "I've always known."

I raised an eyebrow. Was it really that obvious? I mean, unless the people around me had a stellar gaydar, I didn't know what made it so obvious.

"I knew you were, uh..."

"Gay," I finished for him, with a sigh.

He nodded and smiled, his signature smirk, to be specific. "Yeah," he said. "I knew you were gay. I guess- well, I didn't know you were in love." He stopped, looking at me with his eyes wide with anxiety. "In love with me."

Yeah. Extremely awkward.

"It's okay," I said, though, it wasn't okay. I didn't know if I was still in love with him. I knew I still had feelings for him, but I had a connection with Magnus. Magnus made me feel something that I had never felt before. I liked to imagine that what Magnus made me feel was love.

But I'm not a certain person, and I never promised to be one. So, now, I had gotten myself stuck. Stuck between my best friend, and my boyfriend; parts of me wanted to believe that one was my soulmate, but I didn't know.

"Don't lie, Alec." He brushed off the shoulder of his faded leather jacket. As always, Jace liked to make sure his image was always upheld, even if it was just me around.