How You Get The Boy (Bronnor au)

Chapter 4- Brad's POV

I wake up feeling even more lost than usual. It takes me a minute to realise why, but I suddenly figure out that it's because my first thought was that Connor was back. Back in my arms, back snuggled up in bed beside me, just back in my life. I miss the days of waking up to find a head of soft hair resting on my chest (he always slept on my chest, always). I miss pressing light kisses to his forehead to wake him up, and I miss how cute he looks when he's sleepy. 

Now though, I wake up alone, apart from the shirt I held in my arms for all of last night. It still smells like him, and it felt like I was holding him, even though it was only fabric. After my morning ritual of lying in bed feeling lonely and sad, I peel myself out of bed and try to face the day. I have no real plans, because I don't really have a day job. I play gigs at places in the evenings, which pays well and makes me happy, but it's not the same without my biggest fan.

Connor went to all my shows, even if he had stuff to do the next day, and I remember him being so proud to tell people "That's my boyfriend up there." Now, I play much sadder songs, and I don't think wallowing like that helps. In an ideal world, I'd play bouncy happy stuff to cheer myself up, but I haven't been able to move on yet. I also don't think that it helps that everything feels worse at night, so driving home in the dark thinking about how much I miss the boy who meant more to me than anyone else ever did makes me feel worse.

I often can't face breakfast if my emotions are running high, and today is no exception. I'm just sitting at the table drinking black coffee and trying to shake myself out of this mood. Whilst I sit there, I check my phone, but I have no reason to want to. Connor's number isn't in my phone anymore, as I wouldn't have been able to resist the temptation to call him. I also used to have a picture of him as my wallpaper, and the silly face he was pulling never failed to make me smile.

Until even the mention of his name used to make me burst into tears, at which point my friend Tristan changed it to a picture of a puppy. The puppy is cute, but not as cute as Connor. I have zero motivation for anything now- I wouldn't mind if I could just crawl into a hole and not come out, in fact I would be happy to do that. Eventually, I decide that moping around isn't going to make me feel any better, and I need some air. Just going into town will hopefully clear my mind a bit, as long as I avoid all of me and Connor's old favourite places.

 I know getting out was the right choice, but part of me just wants to go home and hide from everyone, but I can't do that forever. Walking through town, I have no motivation or inspiration (the one advantage to having a broken heart is that I had a lot of material to work with). It's so depressing- everything's the same as it always it, and everyone looks as lost as me. I wonder if they've all lost the love of their life as well. 

Suddenly, my heart drops as I accidentally make eye contact with an all too familiar pair of blue eyes. It shouldn't be a surprise- Connor lives around here, there's no reason he wouldn't be around. It doesn't make it hurt any less though. I feel fleeting panic shoot through me, and all I want to do is burst into tears. I can't do that though, so I smile awkwardly whilst fighting the tears and shove through the crowd to get away.

I really don't know why I'm so upset, it's happened before. I guess it's because we looked right at each other, and it made  me really miss the connection we had. As soon as I'm sure he'll be out of the way, I turn around and head home. I don't run, but I do go as quickly as possible to get away from it all. I head up the stairs to my place, letting out a whimper as I do so. All I can think of is how much my heart physically hurts, I can't think of anything else. 

A sob breaks out as I go into my bedroom and grab one of the jumpers I know to be Connor's, one of the ones I vowed not to touch. Still, desperate times call for desperate measures. I pull the jumper over my head, tears still streaming down my cheeks, then I slide down against the wall. My knees are pulled tightly to my chest, and there, in the privacy of my room, I let myself cry. I'm bawling my eyes out, just like I used to when I'd only just had my heart broken, and the scent of Connor still on the jumper I'm wearing makes me cry even harder.

It's like how I felt last night, but so much worse. I'm crying so hard than I can barely even think, but the little space I have in my head is worrying about having a new crack develop in my heart, which has just been starting to heal. So much for that. As the tears continue to fall, I find myself almost begging to get Connor back. It was a mistake breaking up with him, but I have to pay for that. I bet he's laughing at me right now, I don't blame him. I'm a joke, but I can't help myself. 

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This wasn't very good, sorry 😢 Please vote and comment though!