How You Get The Boy (Bronnor au)

Chapter 21- Connor's POV

One thing no one ever told me about heartbreak was that it would completely strip away my confidence. I couldn't stop thinking that if soemone who said they loved me didn't want me any more, then there must be something wrong with me. I also felt incredibly exposed- like anyone who walked past me in the street would be able to tell how rejected and worthless I felt. It took a while to convince myself that that wasn't the case, but sometimes I still get insecure about it.

As much as I tell myself that Brad came back to me so I must have something going for me, I can't stop thinking that he could have almost anyone he wants. He assures me that he's never going to leave me, but I'm not the most trusting, and the thought of us having another fight and nearly breaking up again terrifies me. I want him in my life forever, so I can only hope. I'm an anxious person by nature, and so all this is constantly playing on my mind, and it doesn't help that I'm alone right now.

I breathe a sigh of relief when I hear the unlocking of the door followed by Brad calling "Hey Con!" 

"Hey." I say weakly.

Brad puts his head around the door. "You're unusually quiet. Are you ok?"

"I'm fine." I say quietly, biting back the tears that have sprung from nowhere. 

I'm a terrible liar, and Brad sees through it straight away. "You're not fine." he tells me. "You're my boyfriend, I know you well enough to tell when you're lying." I sigh, knowing he's right. "Come on." he prompts. "What's wrong?"

"I'm just really scared you'll leave again." I blurt out suddenly.

Brad's face falls. "Oh, Con. I'm not leaving you babe, ever."

"I know." I whisper, biting my lip. "I'm just scared."

Brad doesn't reply, but he does wrap his arms around me, and I feel myself clinging to him. "Hey." he says quietly. "It's ok." I feel safe wrapped in his arms, so I give in and let myself cry. Neither of us says anything at first- I'm crying in the arms of my boyfriend over something that hasn't even happened, and he's doing his best to comfort me. He doesn't have to say anything though, just being wrapped in his arms is enough. 

Embarrassingly, I can feel my tears soaking his shirt, but he doesn't seem to mind. "Shhh." he whispers, rubbing my back softly. "It's ok, I've got you." I just continue to cry, and he keeps holding me. He starts almost rocking me back and forth, and it does help calm me down.

Eventually, the tears more or less stop flowing, and Brad lets go of me. We sit facing each other, and he's holding my hands. "I'm sorry." I sniffle. 

"What for?" Brad asks. "It's ok to cry."

"It's really bad though." I say quietly. "I'm upset over something that hasn't even happened."

"And isn't going to happen." Brad puts in, squeezing my hands softly. "I'm not going to leave, I promise. I couldn't live with myself if I ever put you through that again." He reaches out to wipe a tear off my cheek, and I smile weakly. He grins back at me. "That's more like it. That's the Connor I know and love." 

After a while, I've calmed myself down a bit. I feel like a proper human again, and I really want to take my mind off things. "Can we go out?" I ask.

Brad smiles. "Of course we can. What do you want to do?"

I pause before saying "The cinema? Then we can get pizza."

He laughs. "Sounds like a plan. What do you want to see?"

"I don't care." I say, smiling properly for the first time in a while. "I just want to spend time with you."

"You're too cute." Brad calls as I go off to get changed. When I come back, Brad announces that we're going to see some animated kids film that he won't tell me the name of. "It'll be fun." he promises. It doesn't take me much persuading, as truth be told I can never be bothered with long films. I always lose track of what's going on, so something fun and uncomplicated sounds ideal. When me and Brad were broken up, I missed the spontaneity. Although this is only going on a small outing, it's a start to going back to times of freedom and happiness.

Brad holds my hand as we walk, and even though that's common for us, it never fails to make me smile. God knows I need to smile after all the crying I did earlier, so taking my mind off it will help. This is the sort of thing normal people do with their partners, and although nothing is normal about me and Brad, sometimes it's nice to fit in. But most of the time we're just Brad and Connor, which is exactly what we want to be. We're happy like that, and that's all that matters.

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This was really awful, I'm sorry 🙈 Please vote and comment though, I love reading comments :)

I've been back at school for 3 days and I'm already tired 🙄 And I'm dreading next year, I'll be so lonely :( most of my friends are in the year above and are going to uni, and one of my closest friends in my year is moving to another school 😢