The Unexpected

The Happening

We kissed for what it seemed forever, and as time passed, our moments were turning more and more passionate. I wanted to breath him, feel him, and let him feel me. I could feel I wanted all of himself, tonight and more, and I could feel he was expressing the same to me.

I leaned back for a moment, so I could see his lips, the ridge of his nose, his cheeks, his eyes... His mesmerizing eyes, full of wonder and desire, hopeful of tonight and what was going to come of it, as well as the desire created by both of us and with the expected outcome we hoped for each other.

I inhaled this moment forever, and without a word I held his hand and stood up, smiling, letting him know it was the moment for us to occur, for us to be together, at least for this very moment of certainty I had in my heart.

He stood up as well, smiling, and walked with me towards the cabin, me leading the way. There was silence along the way. I could only hear the crickets, our steps, and his breathing, close to me, sighing his fears away, expecting me in his arms, soon, and with every step closer to the cabin, the more I could feel his desire becoming true to himself, as well as for me.

I slowly opened the door and turned the light on, waiting for Ben to enter. He then closed the door behind him and said:

-Look at me in the eyes.-

That was something I felt impossible to do, as even though I desired him very much, looking at him in the eye would mean showing him my shyness, my insecurities, and my fears through my eyes, and that was something I could not show him... Something I did not want to show him, at least not tonight.

-Please Hannah, look at me in the eyes.- said Ben, once more.

I could feel the fear running through my veins, and took a couple steps back from him, leaning against a wall, looking at the wooden floor as a grounded child.

He then came close to me, and with one hand he caressed my face, and finally lifted my chin up so I would make eye contact with him.

-What is it?- He asked.

I was very nervous and scared, but with a trembling voice I was finally able to say: -I am... Scared... You might... End up... Hurting... Me.- And I tried to look down once more, embarrased of telling him how I truly felt, but I was not able to, as he raised my chin again, and made me stare into his eyes, now seeing how hurt he became by my words.

-I am also scared you may hurt me, now or later on. You're not the only one who feels that way... But I want to take that risk. I want to be with you, even if things go wrong and we end up apart at the end of the road... Because, how can we know if things will work between us if we don't take the risk of putting our hearts out there, and take life for what it is: a risk.-

I was bewildered by his words. I had been scared most of my life. Letting pass oportunities by fear of losing, of getting failures... Of becoming a failure. But life is a risk, and I should not let pass more opportunities, of miss life and end up seeing it as an espectator, rather than the own protagonist of my life and my own consequences, both good and bad. I then understood that being afraid is part of life, but that should not stop me from living it, and neither I should stop others from living it with me, even though things might end up badly, as Ben said. I should never know what could happen between us unless I took my chances and lived them all, either one by one, or all at once.

I smiled, and leaned forward to kiss him, thanking him for being so honest with me, and for taking this risk as well. Ben turned off the light as we continued kissing, and rain started to pour again. Our kisses were deeper and more passionate with every moment that passed, and I let myself go into his arms, lifting me up from the ground and pinning me against the wall. I wrapped myself around him, while he posed his hands on my hips, to then moving them up and slowly going under my clothes, touching the sides of my waist. I inhaled, knowing how everything was happening, how every sensation I was feeling right then and there was because of him, and how happy I was I took this risk, feeling no fear of putting myself out there... And live.