The Unexpected

Snow

Days passed after that. Luke's family took me in as one of their own and always made me feel welcomed. It was as if they told me I was going to spend the rest of my life with them. It was an unnerving thought, to be honest. I knew I was going to spend more time at that place, but "forever" was not a word I had in mind when I agreed on staying there.

For that reason, I decided to spend more time only with Luke, instead of his entire family. They noticed that but did not mind. During that time, I decided to hug and kiss Luke more than ever before. Not so much because I loved him, but rather because I was seeking refuge. He became the hiding place from a painful past that kept coming to me and that somehow, I could still not abandon.

Every time Luke wrapped me in his arms, the pain was subdued, but as soon as he let go of me, I felt more and more broken, ready to fall apart into the night.

I wanted to cry in his arms and confess. I utterly wanted to say all the truth to him, but I knew I could not. The facts would end up hurting him, and it was enough with one of us feeling that way.

As I was seeking more and more refuge in Luke, I started inviting him into my room, where we kissed and touched for hours. I always stopped him, telling him I was not ready. Truth was, my body was prepared, but my heart was not.

Almost my entire being begged for pleasure. It was something I missed, as I utterly wanted someone who could please me in all possible ways, without fear or shame of being sexual. Nevertheless, my heart kept forcing me to stop, as it wanted not only pleasure, but also someone to feel connected and embraced, and not be afraid to confess who I was. Someone with whom I could finally be myself, my whole self, with all my flaws and fears, and for him to protect me all along the way.

One day, Luke and I ended up locked in my room. We wanted to go out for a walk that day, but it seemed impossible to do so, as it was pouring rain. We already waited for a couple of hours, and boredom was killing our afternoon.

I walked to the window of my room. It was almost sunset, and there was no trace for the rain to stop anytime soon.

Luke came to me and hugged me from behind, and I sighed, resting my head against his chest. I liked it when he did that, as he made me feel at ease with myself.

I kissed one of his arms and rested my temple on it. He then kissed my neck, which immediately turned me on. I sighed again, but now out of pleasure.

He continued kissing my skin. A combination of tender and passion was making me surrender to his will. I opened my eyes and saw the rain was still happening. There was no escape from my room.

One of his hands entered my blouse, and I allowed it. The other one did the same, rising my body with every breath of mine. I was now moaning. I could not help it.

He then took his hands out and led me to the bed. We both fell with him on top of me. It was now dark, and all I could see were shadows. Shadows of hands, legs, eyes, and lips. Shadows of a man that could have been any other man, as I could not recognize Luke in the darkness of my place.

Even though I could not see much, I still closed my eyes. Now, the tenderness and caresses I was feeling started to seem familiar. They were things I felt in a remote, distant time, and yet somehow, not so long ago.

They felt like old memories, reviving once more.

I opened my eyes again. I wanted to see with clarity what was going on, but only darkness I got.

We slowly took our clothes off until we were completely naked. Luke then continued kissing me and telling me all sorts of things: how much he cared for me, that he was starting to fall in love with me, that he wanted me in his life for much, much longer, and more.