The Unexpected

Confession

After Ben finally decided to talk, I told the waiter everything was okay, and even though he did not believe me much, he walked away.

I grabbed my red arm, trying to calm down the pain. I looked at him furiously, as he had no right to hold my arm like that.

-I'm sorry -he said while getting close to me. He then took my arm and kissed it several times. He stared at me while doing so, and I saw his eyes were full of passion, as they were many times, long ago. I felt succumbing to his touch and his kisses once more, but I still wanted to know the truth, so I ended up pulling back my arm. He was surprised by my move, but I told him the only thing I wanted from him was the truth, and nothing more.

After that, I walked back to the table and sat down, and so did he. We were one in front of the other, staring at each other. One waiting for answers, one not wanting to speak.

I saw Ben getting nervous by my stare as I silently waited for him to talk. His fingers were fidgeting on the table, not knowing what to do. He then grabbed his glass and drank some wine. After a pause, he looked at me, cleared his throat, and asked:

-What do you want to know?

-Everything.

He frowned. He did not like me saying such a word. It seemed he was hiding more than I thought.

-Where should I start? - he asked again.

-How about from the beginning? -I said sarcastically.

Ben sighed and looked away. He then touched his beard as a way to calm down. He sighed again, sounding exasperated, and finally said:

-Just... Just ask me the questions, and I'll answer.

-Fine -I replied. I wanted to know everything he was hiding from me.

-How did you find me?

-That... that is a long story.

-Well, I'm not going anywhere, as you wished.

-Okay. -He said. He then cleared his throat again, trying to find the right words somehow, as if that was even possible.

-The thing is... -said he, looking down. -I didn't know you were having such a hard time after things ended between us.

His comment made me feel self-conscious. It was me then who was looking down, feeling at display as Ben already knew everything that happened with me, thanks to Diane.

-I... I thought about you a lot after... I left, though.

I could tell those words were difficult for him to express, and for me to hear as well. I did not know he thought about me after ending our relationship. I just thought he left and forgot about me altogether.

He then continued saying: -Well, truth is, you were always on my mind. I kept thinking about you and having feelings for you, but everyone kept telling me to be away, to disappear from your life, and I decided to listen to them instead of you. I thought over time you would forget me, and have a happy life with someone else, instead of me.

Those words, those last few words... Why did he say that?

-But I'm going off-topic. -He said, interrupting my thoughts. -I um... I thought that since you never replied to my email, you didn't want to hear from me again.

-Which is true- I said.

He raised his head and looked at me, concerned. He did not expect at all for me to say such words. Perhaps he thought that I waited to hear from him and truth is, I did. I waited to listen to his voice again for so long that I got tired and gave up. All those days and nights, I cried for him, wishing his return so that he could be by my side again. But that did not happen until it was perhaps too late.