The Unexpected

Love

The feeling of his lips on mine was extraordinary. The tenderness of such skin was nothing compared to the love and care he made me feel. The soft movement of his lips, combined with his beard caressing my face, was something I never forgot. The familiarity of his touch made me feel as if time never passed.

Ben placed his hands around my waist, making me tremble in his arms. I, on the other hand, could not help myself and decided to touch his face again while we continued kissing. I was not capable of controlling my body anymore, so I just let myself go. I moved my arms around his neck, intensifying our kiss. He then leaned forward and pulled me even closer, moving me so I would sit on top of him, and so, I did.

Our bodies were building up the heat and desire we had accumulated for so long and needed to be released that night. Ben lowered his hands and placed them at the hem of my dress, caressing my thighs, just as the first night we kissed. I knew he wanted to raise his hands under my dress, but waited for my answer first.

My body wanted him to hold me, embrace me, and have me once again. Even my heart desired such things, but my mind was troubling me. It reminded me of all the bad things that occurred before, as a reminder they could happen again: all the crying, the sadness, the running away, and the helplessness were showing up in my mind as constant flashbacks, and they did not want to disappear.

At that moment, I stopped kissing Ben and pulled back a bit. He looked at me surprised and asked me if everything was okay. I sighed and decided to tell him my worries: would he disappear again? For how long would he be with me this time? How would he handle the media? And most importantly: were we in a relationship?

"I don't have the answers for all those questions," answered Ben. He exhaled, taking his hands away from my thighs and holding my face instead. "I know I have hurt you so much," he continued saying, "but this time, I promise I will do my best not to hurt you again. I'll be by your side every step of the way. I don't want to disappear or run away anymore, as I have found happiness with you."

His words provided me some calm, some of the ease I needed to hear. However, I was still not convinced, as he did not really answer any of my inquiries.

"Please, I need to know if we are together this time, and if we are in a relationship," I asked. I knew I was pushing again, but I need more clarity in my life, especially after all the time of confusion and darkness I lived before.

"If you want to be in a relationship with me, then yes. We are officially in a relationship, from this moment on," Ben answered.

"Really? That easy?" I asked again. I was not sure of his words.

"Yes, that easy. I want things to be easy and calm with you this time. As I said, I don't want to hurt you again, so I'll do everything in my power for things to be better now," Ben said. He said those words with such security, such confidence I could not believe that was the same man who ran away when problems arose.

"And what about the media?"

"What about it?"

"You know what I mean. How are we going to handle the media when they know about us? You know it's only a matter of time until they find out about us being in a relationship."

"A relationship... I like those words, especially coming out from you."

"Please, don't evade the question," I said, smiling.

"I am not!" said Ben, also smiling. "I'm just happy to know we're together again. I'm finally with you again, and you're finally with me, as you wanted."

"I wanted that a long time ago," I expressed, raising an eyebrow.

"And yet, you're sitting on my lap, right now," said Ben, amused.

"True. That's my body and my heart wanting you," I said, blushing at the checkmate he just played on me. "But my mind still wonders about us: how are things going to be for us, and if there's a future for us two. I don't want any more problems between us, and most of all, I don't want to be hurt again."

"I know, I know," said Ben, being quite understanding at my doubts and concerns. "How about this? How about I try to answer the best way I can, and then we go to bed? We don't have to make love tonight if you don't want to, but I want to spend the night with you. I want to hold you all night long to celebrate you're finally with me."

And so, he did. I had so many questions, and with every answer he gave me, more inquiries appeared. I felt I was running a thorough interrogation on him, rather than just mere questions anymore and so, I decided to stop. He had been so understanding that I knew he would answer any other query I had later on.

"So, what do you want to do now?" Ben asked.

"I want to continue where we left off," I answered.

"And where is that?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Here," and I kissed him again.

He hugged me again, and this time I felt relieved. I was finally able to breathe at ease, letting go of so much weight I carried for so long, and that I did not need nor want anymore. He held me softly and laid me down on the carpet, nearer to the fireplace. At that moment, the heat in my body started to increase from the excitement and the passion Ben made me feel.

I wanted to feel his body and run my fingers through his tattoos again, so I took his sweater and shirt off. I was now seeing his naked chest as if past became present once more. He came closer to me again, and I started running my fingers on his skin, making him shiver at my touch. I did not know I still had that effect on him, but I loved it. I moved my hands from his chest to his broad shoulders, then moving them up until reaching his back, and with every centimeter I moved them towards his lower end, the closer Ben was to my body.

I wanted to feel more of his body, so I unbuttoned his pants and slowly moved it down his legs. After that, he took the rest of his clothes off, leaving him completely naked in front of me. The light of the fire reflecting on his body was pure ecstasy to me. He then came closer to me again, took my shoes off first, and then put his hands on my thighs, moving them up, lighting my fire from within. He stopped at my underwear and slowly took it off. He then came closer to me again, kissing my inner thighs, moving up to that place that was waiting for him... and he kissed it. I immediately moaned, giving in to his lips and his tongue, moving as he pleased.

Once he stopped, he moved up and took my dress and bra off, leaving me completely naked as well. I wrapped my legs around him, calling his body for closeness, to which he agreed. We kissed and caressed as if it was our first time together, and in a way, it was. So much time and things had passed for Ben and me, that we were somehow different, and that night felt different for both of us too.

When we were ready, Ben put a condom on, and we started making love. We could not stop kissing and touching each other while moving in unison. His hands caressed every part of me, feeling me, showing how much he missed me and cared for me again. I could feel through his fingertips the love he still had for me and never forgot or let go.

I felt so much joy that night I could not believe it, as for so long I thought he forgot about me, he did not care about me, or that I never existed for him in a meaningful way. I started crying at such thoughts. Ben stopped, worried about me, but I explained everything I was thinking and feeling, and how I was finally releasing all that out of my system. That conjunction of thoughts and negative feelings was eating me alive, and was killing me from within.

Ben cleared my tears and hugged me, and also cried with me, telling me again how sorry he was about everything he did, and assuring he would not hurt me again. After that, we started making love once more. This time, however, it felt more freeing, as if the load of fears and sadness I carried for so long, went away.

We consumed each other bodies for the rest of the night. I missed his touch, his lips, his tongue, everything from him, and through all of him, he showed he missed me too.

The night went through until we expressed all the passion we had for one another. We were exhausted, but we did not care. I slept for quite long, feeling his arms around me all the time, and feeling safe from all the chaos I lived, and all the despair and sadness I went through.

I was finally happy again, and nothing could change that feeling.

Nothing at all.