Confiding in You ϟ a.i.

Chapter 22

== Ashton's POV == 

The seemingly endless struggle to force myself not to like Maddie again is made much worse while watching her and Luke shamelessly flirt over his dining room table when we're supposed to be studying. I told myself that, when she came back, this wouldn't happen again. But how could I manage that when she's changed and gotten even more captivating in a matter of three years?

It's even harder now, knowing I would feel extremely guilty making her life worse than it is. Before she left it was easy to just mistreat her and convince myself that she was only the annoying, bratty little sister of my best friend. But now, knowing what she went through when she was gone, it would be impossible for me to do that without feeling horrible for it.

I could just accept it and tell her, obviously. I'm not the stupid middle schooler who feels he needs to hide these things to spare his "reputation." But I know it -- I just know -- it would complicate her life futher if I did. Luke likes her now and that's all she's ever wanted; I can't ruin that for her. Plus, it's unfair of me to think I deserve her in my life even this much, when she's willing to share more about herself with me than I already know and I can't even tell her a single fucked up thing I've done.

I just have to be there for her as a friend, as painful as it is. She needs that, anyway, with such a shitty older brother and Luke barely knowing anything that she's experienced. Not to mention her only other "friend" being Hannah. It would be shitty of me to leave her just to spare myself.

"Okay, can we actually get to studying, please?" I attempt to mutter with as little contempt as possible, looking down at the worksheet in front of me. It all still looks completely foreign. We've been sitting here for at least an hour and I haven't learned a thing.

"We have been," Luke attests, his tone questioning. The two of them look at eachother with smiles on both of their faces and he kisses her for probably about the millionth time this hour. I try my best not to scrunch my face up in disgust and turn my head away.

No, not even you two have been studying. You have been playing footsie and I've been forced to watch the entire time, I think. Not only would it be a godsend to not have them act like that for a second in my presence, but I really need to pass Chemistry this time around. Why did I even suggest this?

Right, I didn't think they'd be this into eachother already, especially since Maddie said she wasn't going to date him just yet. I blame Cooper. There's a good chance that the reason they're acting like this this much is to spite him. 

"Well, I have to leave soon. My mom is going to some work thing so I have to watch Harry," I lie, gathering all my papers and putting them haphazardly into my binder. The look at me, confused, while I continue to pack up. "Maddie, do you need a ride home?"

"I can take her home," Luke answers for her, but she starts to put her stuff away too. 

"No, it's fine I'll just go with him," She pouts, zipping her bag up and pulling it over her shoulder while she stands. Luke watches her sadly, but it doesn't affect her much at all.

"You can stay here if you want, Maddie," I say, trying to hide and ignore the buzz that spreads through my body at the thought that she would rather be with me. I'm reading too far into it, anyway. She is considerate enough to not want Luke to have to drive all the way out to our developement when I'm going that way myself.

"No, I should be getting home too," She shrugs, "I'll see you tomorrow."

They kiss again and I keep my eyes off of the scene, counting the tiles as I tap my foot. I can't look for a second, or else it will feel like I'm staring angrily at them. They break away after an eternity and I'm finally free to leave, with Maddie by my side. We walk out to my car in silence and it isn't until she's slammed the door shut and puts her seatbelt on that she makes a sound.