Confiding in You ϟ a.i.

Chapter 35

== Ashton's POV ==

I watch Maddie as her breathing slows, unable to find any words to say in response to her. I don't know how to feel and I'm not sure I have even fully processed what she meant. She didn't elaborate the point, falling asleep and seemingly unaffected by the music penetrating the walls or the unfamiliarity of the room. Right now, I'm reading everything that happened as her wanting to be with me now. But for all I know, she meant it platonically, or she didn't mean it at all. She is drunk. So how am I supposed to feel?

I think I'm scared out of my wits, if anything. I'm scared that I'm going to let her down. My life up to this point has consisted of people not trusting me and, to be quite honest, not really 'needing' me, either. As much as I have wanted this and want her to accept the fact that I long to protect her at all times, now that it's actually happening I'm afraid that I won't be able to handle it. There's so many ways I can fuck this up and thinking about them is already making me go insane.

I mean, I've already made so many mistakes with making sure she is okay and I haven't even fully taken on that role yet. What am I going to do when it's truly my responsibility to make her feel safe?

I sigh, nudging her lightly to wake her up. For starters, we aren't staying the night again at a party. Especially at Calum's, since I barely know the place and it gets crazier here than any other house I've been to. It takes a few tries, but eventually she turns to me with tired eyes.

"We should get going," I whisper to her and she blinks as her mind works to understand the statement. Once she does, she shakes her head before laying it back down on the pillow.

Luke's hat has somehow managed to remain on her and suddenly a stronger wave of anger rises in me when I notice. I hesitate for a second, but pull it off her head nonetheless. She makes no move to acknowledge it and may not have even noticed, thankfully. I clench it in my fist and stuff it in my pocket. I'm not sure what I'm going to do with it, but I'd rather have it than have to see it on Maddie.

"No, you-you aren't supposed to drive when you're high," she mumbles, beginning to doze off again.

"I can drive just fine," I sit up, "I've done it a million times."

Maddie opens her eyes again and looks up at me. The lazy grin on her face does something to me that I can't describe, but I try to keep my focus on the situation at hand. Regardless, my chest falls just as her smile does.

"Nope."

"Maddie," I say, unable to keep my voice from sounding stern. She frowns and turns her back to me with a groan and I can already feel her changing her mind about me. "What's wrong?"

"I hate when you say my name like that," her voice is low, almost inaudible.

She sits up with a single, abrupt movement and pulls at the hem of her shirt. A silence passes between us and I'm reminded of the reason we ended up here in the first place. She doesn't like that I treat her like a defenseless child, which is understand able. But I have no clue how to protect her without acting like her older brother or something. It would probably be a whole lot easier if Cooper did his job, anyway.

"I'm sorry," I answer truthfully and she nods from beside me. "But we really should leave. I don't even know whose room this is."

"Fine," She breathes out and swings her legs over the side of the bed. When she stands, she has to steady herself and she brings her hand to her forehead. I keep my eyes on her worriedly while her hands fumble to bring her hair into a braid. "Well? Are we going or not?"

"Yeah," I shake my head quickly and get up too. I open the door to the room and, as we're leaving, place my hand on the small of her back. I hope it's not too obvious that I'm doing it because I'm worried she's going to fall down the stairs or something.