Lonely -Tsukkiyama

Chapter 5

(There is a possible trigger warning later in the chapter ⚠️ )

As I was once again hugged goodbye, by Daichi, Tadashi and I left his small apartment walking side by side back to Tadashi's house together.

"Hey, you wanna go get some breakfast at the cafe down the road from my house?"

"umm..yeah sure"

"Wait, really?" Tadashi looked up at me with hopeful eyes

"Yeah, I guess."

"Okay!"

We walked in silence, as we were both too tired to hold up a conversation. I wrapped my headphones around my head to avoid one of my biggest fears-silence; and I walked by Tadashi's side listening to music until we got to the cafe.

We pushed open the door, to be greeted by the distant, yet familiar sound of the bell.

"You wanna sit at our regular booth, tsukki?"

"Well I wouldn't call it a regular booth anymore, we haven't been here in like 6 months. But okay."

As we sat down in the booth, I already knew what I was going to order. We have been here millions of times together, ever since we were kids. The waitress normally has our regular orders memorized, but I wonder if she will remember it after all these months.

"Hello. Welcome to Kathy's cafe, may I take your order?" Our waitress, Kathy, who was also the owner of the restersunt didn't even seem to recognize us.

"Oh um, hey Kathy. Yeah we're ready to take our order." Tadashi looked up at her, I could see in his eyes that he was sad that she didn't recognize us.

Jeez...it's only been 6 months...

"Tadashi? Kei? Oh my, I'm sorry I didn't recognize you darlings. Haven't seen you here in a while! How have ya been?"
(Why does this sound so country lmfao -log)
"We've been okay Kathy. We've been through a lot but we're okay. How about you? How's business been?"

"Oh well you'll have to tell me all your stories, when the cafe is less busy. As you can see, business has been really good lately, but it's not the same without my two favorite customers here. " Kathy smiled down at us and pat our heads, like we were her dogs or something. "Anyway, I'm assuming you're ordering you regular orders? I would love to chat but I've got some other people comin in."

"Yeah, we'd love that. Thank you."

"This is nice. Thank you for coming to breakfast with me." Tadashi smiled at me, a real genuine smile. Suddenly everyone around me becalmed quiet. It's like everyone left.

Please do not let it be quiet.

"Whatever. It's really not that big of a deal. We used to come here everyday."

We need to talk more. It's too quiet.

"Yeah... I guess you're right. But still, how are you doing anyw-"

"Why?" I cut tadashi off. Suddenly, my mind was spinning again and I could feel myself slipping away from the tiny bit of reality that I have stepped into.

"Why what? Tsukki are you okay?"

What is going on? Why is this happening again. I felt okay this morning for once. Why can't I just feel okay?

"We need to get out of here." Everything around me began to spin and I felt extremely lightheaded. "Tadashi we need to get out of here now. It's too quiet. Please." I pleaded with tadashi to get me out of there.

"Yeah, of course. Hold on, let me just write a note to Kathy."

"Tadashi, you need to hurry. The voice are coming back."

It's all your fault you should have never came here- you stupid litttle boy thinking you're going to escape us that quick.

Be quiet.
Be quiet.
Be quiet.

You can't tell us what to do you dumb boy. What is wrong with you? You're making your little friend leave after you just got there.

Pathetic.

You scrawny pathetic little boy.

"Tsukki. Tsukki. Snap out of it. We need to get you out of it."

Whoever was talking, dragged me out of the cafe and sat me down on a park bench.

"Who are you?" I asked, "there are so many voices, I don't know who you are."

You're pathetic
You think you can escape?
You're wrong.
That's actually hilarious that you would think that.
You are only a dumb little boy, after all.

"Tsukki. Listen I my voice. I am Tadashi. I am your best friend. We have been best friends since grade school, and we play volleyball together."

Don't listen to him he's lying.
He doesn't even like you.
Yet you love him, don't you?
Oh but you would never admit that because he's your best friend.

"Tsukki? Do you hear me? It's tadashi. Your best friend, now listen to my voice carefully, okay? I'm going to put headphone on your head and play music, okay? Don't be alarmed. It's just me. It's just tadashi, okay?"

I felt headphone wrap around my head, and warmth covered my body.

I closed my eyes and let the music and the warmth of the arms around me take over.

"It's going to be okay. I promise you. It's going to be okay."

I listened to the voice, and the music and after 15 minutes I finally calmed down.

I have a fear of silence.

I know that.

Yet I continue to torture myself with silence.

"Tsukki?" Tadashi grabbed my hand and intertwined it with his, "how are you doing?"

I grabbed my headphones to pull them off, but Tadashi immediately shoved them back on.

"Listen, I don't wnat you taking them off until we're back at my house and we can play music and talk okay? Let's just go home."

Tadashi let go of my hand and started to walk down the road to his house, not noticing that I haven't stood up yet.

"Hey tsukki! You coming?" Tadashi waved at me from a few yards away.

"Im sorry." I ran up to him and gave him a surprise hug. "I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry" I nuzzled my head into his shoulder, despite the height difference.

"What are you sorry for?"

"Everything. I know I am a pain to handle but you have never left my side, and you've been here with me through everything. So I'm sorry."

"I'd do anything, as long as Ik by your side, tsukki." Tadashi chuckled, but turned away, as I saw his ears light up red.

"Me too tadashi. Now let's go home. I feel like talking."

"You finally wanna talk? What is this? Who are you and what have you done with my tsukki?" Tadashi giggles and smacks my back in a playful manner

"S-shut up.

"Sorry Tsukki!"

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OKAY REALLY BAD CHALTER I KNOW AND IM SO SORRY IVE JUST BEEN REALLY BUSY AND I RELAKY SNATSD TO GET SOMETHING OUT, SO HERE IT IS!!

-LOG