Lonely -Tsukkiyama

Chapter 9

Edit: Rereading this chapter after I wrote it and I'm SO excited for you guys to read this shit. SO excited. Get your tissues, my friends xx

Tadashis P.O.V

I stood in the kitchen, making hot chocolate for the both of us.

Why did I think it was a good idea to tell him that?

I dipped my finger in water, making sure it was hot enough, and sure enough, it was. I grabbed the cups and quickly brought them to the living room where Tsukki was waiting for me, and set them down quickly as the hot mugs were burning my fingers.

He picks up his mug and takes a sip, avoiding eye contact with me.

"Is it good?"

He sets down his cup and looks at me, "Are we going to talk about this?"

"Talk about what?" I put my head down so he can't see my embarrassed face.

You very well know what he wants to talk about.

"You know what."

"Well are we going to talk about why you ran away?"

"I told you. I didn't want to burden you anymore." He slightly raised his voice, "your turn." He settled down again.

"Pass."

"Or not." He leans back in his chair.

"Do I have to?"

"I would like you too."

"I don't know how." I sighed

"Well, I guess I could help with that." He closes his eyes, "me too."

"You too, what?"

"I love you too, Tadashi. Always have." He looks away, this time hiding his face of embarrassment.

"You WHAT?" I jumped out of my chair, my eyes wide open.

"What? Are you gonna tell me it's a lie? Or a joke? Because if it is Tadashi you got me real good! " This time he actually started raising his voice, "You can stop pretending you care! Yeah, I love you, okay! But if you're about to tell me you don't love me back I don't think I can handle it." He gets out of his chair and began to walk away, but as he walked past I grabbed his wrist and pulled him close to my face.

"I do, Tsukki. I do."

I then smashed our lips together, and for the first time in my life I finally felt like something was right. All the feelings of regret and sad hatred were replaced with the butterflies I felt kissing this man.

I then pulled away from our long, yet sweet kiss, only to see Tsukki with tears in his eyes.

"I-I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that. I just thoug-" I backed up in horror.

"No, it's not you. I just don't know what I'm feeling right now. This is all happening so fast. 2 hours ago I was in this house alone, thinking I would never see you again, and here I am kissing you. I don't know what to think." He started to cry quietly, "Tadashi, you are the most important person in my life since my parents died, and I know I'm hard to handle, but I need to know that you're going to always be here. I can't get hurt again. I can't."

I grabbed his hand and we sat down on the couch together.

"Tsukki, I'm never going to leave your side. You're my best friend, I know things have been so tough for you, and I know that things are going to be tough, but you have to trust me. I'm not going to leave your side. Not now, not ever."

"It's so hard." He leaned his head into my chest and grabbed my shirt, sobbing, "Its so hard to trust again. And I want to believe you, I want to believe you so bad. But I know the minute I begin to let my walls down, something bad will happen. People like me arent meant to be with people like you. It's bad, Tadashi. My depression, I mean. It's so bad. Some days I can't feel anything and other days I just want to end it all. Are you prepared for that? Are you prepared for the day that I'm going to lose it? I don't want to hurt you. And as much as I want you to stay, I want you to leave."

"I'm not going to leave" I whisper, rubbing his back in circles, "I'm never going to leave. I'm prepared for the day you lose it, and I'm prepared to help you through it. We're going to get through this. Maybe you should get some help. You know? Someone to talk to. A professional. Talking to me might make you feel better for a little while, but maybe you should see someone who could give you profession advice. I just want you to be happy. That's all I want."

"It's not such a bad idea, but I'm too scared. Maybe you could come with me?"

"Of course."

"I'm going to try to get better. For the both of us. You deserve to be happy. And I want to make this work, but I want it to be when I'm mentally stable. We can both get better together." Tsukki yawned and I pulled the blanket over us, him cuddling into my chest, "I'm getting really tired, can you sing the lullaby my mom used to sing me when I couldn't sleep?"

"Sure, Tsukki. Rest up. We've got a long life ahead of us."

As I sang to Tsukki, he fell asleep, and for the first time in 6 months, I saw a smile on his face.

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OKAY NOT GONNA LIE IM REALLY PROUD OF THIS CHAPTER!

A BIT ON THE SHORT SIDE SO IM SORRY BUT LMK HOW YOU THINK THIS CHAPTER WAS!!

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-LOG ❤️❤️