Lonely -Tsukkiyama

Chapter 11

Tadashi's P.O.V

I woke up without the comforting feeling of Tsukki's arms around me and I flipped over and pat the bed a few times to try to find him.

"Tsukki?" I rubbed my eyes to get a clear view of nothingness laying next to me.

No body. Nothin'

I groggily stretched out my body and I slid out of bed, walking down the hallway to the living room where I find Tsukki laying on the couch by himself.

I frowned.

Why is he on the couch?

I feel my chest tighten as I look at his sad face laying on the couch by himself and I decide to go on a run to clear my mind while he's sleeping.

I quickly slip on my sneakers and my light jacket and run out the back door to the jogging path.

Maybe I'm just over thinking things...maybe he just wanted to sleep by himself.

....

I ran the 5 mile stretch that leads to the beach. It was the nicest I have felt in a really long time. Running was my escape. Pushing myself forward, as the cool breeze blows in my face and the uneven breathing that makes me think, "keep going. don't give up".

No matter how much I wanted to give up, I always keep running.

I sat down in the sand and took my shoes off one by one, and then my socks. I sat on the shore and let the waves crash into my bare feet as I laid back and looked up at the beautiful sky.

What a beautiful, beautiful sky.

There's such a big universe and I'm just a tiny spec of dust. It makes me feel kind of unimportant.

Suddenly my stomach scrunched up and my heart felt like it had been stabbed.

Every stress, every worry, every regret that I've ever had just came pouring out as I just laid there on the beach looking into the clouds.

Why do we live in such a cruel world? Why did Tsukkis parents die? Why didn't I stay up with him that night? Why did he try to leave me forever? Why did he leave me last night?

As I sobbed on the shore of the beach, I slowly grew more and more tired until I eventually fell asleep...

———

"Tadashi?"

"Tadashi?"

My eyes slowly drifted open as I took a deep breath and I looked up to see Tsukki over my body.

"W-what are you doing out here you jerk!" Tears ran from his face, falling onto mine, "where have you been? I've been looking for you for hours and you're five miles from the house? Are you stupid?"

"I-I'm sor-"

"No don't even start with me right now. I hate you! You say you won't leave me but when I wake up you're gone! No note, no text, no call, do you even know how long you've been gone?"

"Well...no..."

"8 hours. 8 hours Tadashi. 8 hours of searching for you. I thought you just up and left me."  He started to walk away as I quickly jumped up from the soft sand and followed close behind him.

"Can you please just listen to me" I said as I reached out to grab his wrist, "please, Tsukki. I really am sorry."

"Don't even touch me." He stopped in his tracks and he turned around to look at me right in the eyes, "You said you would always be there for me, I wake up and you're gone. I know this isn't a big deal to you because you have no idea what it's like to feel alone but for me it's a huge deal."

"Excuse me?"

I have no idea what it's like to be alone?

"What?"

"Did you just tell me I have no idea what it's like to be alone?" I slightly raised my voice, "did you just tell me that I have no idea what it's like to be alone? Okay for starters, what about last night? Where were you? Maybe I fell asleep on the beach because you weren't with me last night so I didn't sleep well, and when I found you on the couch I just needed to clear my mind so I took a 5 mile job and fell asleep on the beach!"

"I-I didnt kno-"

"No. I'm still talking." I continued, "What about the last 6 months, huh? I get it, you're going through a horrible time in your life but I was the only one by your side the entire time. No matter how many times I was just thrown to the side, ignored, excluded, pushed around, I still stuck by your side the entire time. I cooked you breakfast, lunch and dinner for 6 months straight. I did your laundry and I cleaned your room and I put food in your fridge when your brother didn't care enough to do it. So yeah, Tsukki, I have been a bit lonely lately."

"I-I'm so sorry. I don't even know what to say"

"Don't say anything. Just listen. Even though I'm so exhausted, I am so mentally exhausted with all of this, I will still never leave your side ever again."

"But-"

"No buts. You are my best friend, and we may be mad at eachother, but I love you. I will always love you. I just needed space. I still do."

"Listen, tadashi. You should probably go home."

"Without you?"

"Yeah."

"Absolutely not."

"Excuse me? This is my house!"

"As far as I'm concerned, I grew up in this house with you, so I am not and will not be leaving this house without you, got it?"

"O-okay."

"Feel better now that you've yelled?" I asked

"Yeah. You?"

"Yeah. Let's go home, okay?"

"Okay"

At the end of the night, it wasn't the same as the night before, as it won't be the same tomorrow night either. You see, sometimes showing your real emotions is the only real way to show love, even if it's yelling and screaming and crying at eachother on the beach while the sun is setting. I always thought the sunset was beautiful, especially over the ocean, but i have keep reminding myself, that sometimes the most beautiful things in life, are the most dangerous.

—————-

Blah blah blah school started, writers block, I'm depressed, I got a boyfriend, my English teacher tells me my writing sucks the whole 9 yards.

BUT ITS OKAY!! BECAUSE I FINALLY GOT A CHAPTER OUT.

It may be a crappy chapter, BUT ITS A CHAPTER!!

Hope you enjoy!

- Log xx