Ex with Benefits (sequel to Roommates with Benefits)

Where did we go wrong?

CHAPTER 6 -  WHERE DID WE GO WRONG?

LUKAS' POV

I'm not the same as I was. I kept repeating myself that as I watched my wife and daughter hugging on our driveway. 

I'm not the same moronic asshole as I was once, I changed long ago, when Tara and I started living together, I was already a different guy, that guy I was, that I have been with her, that's the real Lukas, the Lukas my mom would have wanted me to be ... then why do I keep on screwing it all up? Why does it feel like a déjà vu? Why am I being a complete and utter idiot all over again?

I would like to say her words didn't cut deep, but they fucking did, and how couldn't they? Despite everything, I've spent 18 years of my life with this woman, we've had three kids, we've shared everything, lived the most perfect romance ... and now it's all over. It sucks.

The signs have been there since long, I know that, and I know we cannot keep dragging on and on something that, clearly, has exhausted its reason to be, but still.

At least one thing of all this was good: Tara and Nicky seemed to have gotten closer. I just wish it wasn't my fault. 

Then again, it's not like what Nicky did was worth forgiveness. Maybe I overreacted, but that doesn't mean she's right. 

However I do wonder where the hell did I go wrong, when did my daughter and I start falling apart. It can't be just that simple time, can it? I apologized to Nicky hundreds of times for that, but she never wanted to listen. Just like her mom.

Sighing, I raked a hand over my face. Well, time to move on, I guess. My marriage was broken long ago, useless to keep on crying over spilt milk. Maybe, in the end, we weren't really meant to be, maybe I was really just confused by my feelings ... 

I loved for the very first time, of course I thought it would be forever. I made the same rookie mistake everybody makes. Love doesn't last forever, now I know that.

"I'm going to pick up Zach at soccer practice", I mumbled as I strolled back to Valentine's car, as if nothing happened.

"No need. I'm going", Tara spat as she reemerged from their hug. Nicky remained stuck to her mother's side, weirdly enough, her face immersed in Tara's chest, while my wife gave me one of her cold stares I've learnt to live with throughout these years, ever since our marriage started cracking.

Somehow the change in her is crystal clear. She's been evolving since high school, has made only steps in advance, from the terribly shy fat girl that could barely dare leave her house, she's become a perfectly confident woman that's achieved everything in life. How did that happen? 

How did she move forward so perfectly, without glitches, while I keep on stumbling back to my old self? How? Weren't we supposed to walk towards the same destination? Together? When did I start being on my own on this trip?

"It's fine, I promised him we'd get pizza, I-"

"No, you don't get it, Lukas. I'm going to pick up my son, and I will have to tell him his father won't be in his life anymore. You can go back to your bitch, we're gonna be just fine without you."

When? When did my wife start hating me this much? I would like to say that didn't sting, but it fucking did. Way worse than before. But there was also anger, because she can't think I'm gonna let her keep my children away from me. "You can't be serious."

"I am perfectly serious, Lukas", she squeezed Nicky into her while saying that, and for some reason my daughter didn't even blink, just remained there, as if she were back to the cuddly child she was once, before everything started failing, before I fucked it all up.