Ex with Benefits (sequel to Roommates with Benefits)

For Closure

CHAPTER 21 - FOR CLOSURE

TARA'S POV

"No, it's fine, I'd rather be on my own, but thanks." I assured him for the fourth time.

"Then call me when you want me to pick you up, alright?"

I sighed, dropping my head against my car. It's nice of him, but really, he can be a little too ... asphyxiating sometimes. "Aaron, I drove here, and I am perfectly capable of driving back. It's fine."

"Tara ..."

"Oh, for God's sakes, I'm a reasoning adult! I don't need you babysitting me!" I snapped, tired. Predictably, he sighed, and I was sorry, but ... sometimes it's really a little too much, to be honest. Whatever we are, he takes it too seriously, feels like he gotta shield me from everything, but it's not like that, not at all. 

I think he somehow remained stuck to his ex girlfriend, the 19-years-old girl he had to reassure and cuddle through her insecurities, that's why now every time I seem upset he dashes to me with his shining armor and tries to save me.

I don't need saving. I'm no damsel in distress, I save myself, damnit. That's the big fucking difference between Aaron and Lukas. Lukas knew he didn't need to save me, he knew he just had to be there, back me up while I worked on myself. 

He was there to protect me, but not in a childish way, he was always there to catch me if I fell, but he encouraged me to climb the mountain. He acted as safety net, not as overanxious daddy that panics at the tiniest chance of his girl getting hurt. It's ... frustrating sometimes.

I'm not even sure we're a couple, yet Aaron is acting as if my whole life were in his hands. It's not, damnit. It fucking isn't. I have my own life in my hands, I don't need a man to tell me how to lead it, I need a wall to lean onto, not a knight in shining armor that'll come solve all of my problems in the blink of an eye. It might have worked when I was younger, I might have wanted that when I was prey of my fears and insecurities, but not now.

I am a 42-years-old woman, mother of three kids, at the head of a fairly important newsroom, and even through difficulties, I managed all that just fine, I don't need a savior, I need a pillow to rest against, a cushion that'll soften my fall if or when it'll happen. It's what Lukas was, damnit, and that's all I need.

Sighing, I closed my eyes. "I gotta go."

"Princess, come on, I ..."

"Aaron, if you knew me, you'd know I'm no princess, I'm a warrior." I spat. This whole nickname thingy was cute in the beginning, now it's getting annoying. It's like it underlines how he sees me as a fragile little thing he needs to cradle, keeping her away from harm, and for how romantic and sweet that might sound, it's irritating for me.

I am no damn princess, I never was, and I don't fucking want to be. I'm not the kind of woman that sits back and waits for her knight in shining armor, I'm Fiona the ogress that leads a damn rebel group to dismantling the evil reign. Did she need anyone to save herself? Did she wait for Prince Charming to come rescue her from the tower? No. And neither would I.

My ex husband would know that. Lukas would know this whole pet name thing would work only if it's him to be doing it. He would know I hate being called names, but I always loved it when he came up with the weirdest ones. He would know ... because Lukas knows me, he knows me better than I know myself.

It's what 18 years together does, it offers your other half the means to dig deep into your soul. Problems arise when you realize that, while you'd left all of our walls undone, he hasn't, so he knows you, but you don't know him. Not for real. Not as much as you'd want. I thought I'd married one man, I discovered it was another, and you know what I hate the most? That despite everything, I do miss that man, damnit.