loving joe sugg

The end

Ashley's pov

"Hey Ashley we were just about to head home, are you ready to leave?" Jim asked.

"Yeah, yeah sure."  

We went round and said our goodbyes.

"I wish this could all smooth over." Caspar whispered.

"Cheating is hard to get over Caspar and believe me I want it to end to but I really don't love him anymore."

"Well this doesn't have to stop us from seeing each other, remember that." 

We pulled away from the hug. I noticed joe didn't come back in.

"Tan I'll be out in a minute I just need to Urm..."

"It's okay I understand." She smiled the warm smile it was nice, but it wasn't like joes. I walked upstairs to see the bedroom door open slightly. I leaned against the door frame trying to see what he was doing.  He looked like he was writing a note, there was rope next to him. He put the note on the desk and started to pull the rope up. I burst through the door, stopping him in his tracks, with tears going down my face. I ran to his side and cradled him in my arms.

"Joe what were you doing?"

"I can't do it anymore Ashley I just can't."

"Joe. Please, it doesn't need to be like this, I'm willing to start all over. But you have to understand that not all mistakes are fixed easily."

"I'm so sorry Ashley."

"Joe it doesn't matter anymore it's history, so let's be friends?"

"Yeah, thank you."

"For what?"

"Making my life the best thing on earth."  I kissed him one more time on the lips and left.

At Tanya's we did our routines and watched a film before going to bed. I felt young again, like the kids didn't exist and that me and joe was all the way back at the start with just Skype.

"ASHLEY ASHLEY, I'm so sorry." Tanya and Jim burst into the room with tears streaming down.

"You're scaring me, what's happened."

"We're  joined here today to say goodbye bye to Joseph graham sugg: a son, a brother, a farther, a husband and a friend all close to our hearts. Joes wife would now like to say a few words."

I moved to the front of the full church, standing next to the coffin, in which his lifeless body lay.

"I'm annoyed that we didn't make it through to the end. Joe has been an amazing friend, a beautiful farther and in my eyes he was the best husband in the world. I loved him more than anything and although we split two years ago, the night he died. We sorted it out and I loved him all over again and when I heard the news.... I really didn't understand but I know that he won't be upset up there but I just wish that his last days wasn't full of tears but they was and it was my fault but I still love him and I always will no matter what." 

The coffin was in the ground and I will never see his warm smile, his blue eyes, his brown soft hair that was gorgeous but he hated. I'm never going to hear his voice, never feel his lips, never feel his warm arms wrapping around my waist as I made breakfast, dancing and singing to some random song.

Zoe and Caspar comforted me as everyone had a 'nice time', it made me sick to think that people can just be happy after the only happy thing in my life has gone.

"I'm fucking leaving I can't cope with this."

"Let me come with you." Caspar said. As soon as I got out onto the street, I burst out crying as my eyes met the park where we had our first date.

Caspar hugged me whilst I cried my heart out.

"Why did it have to be him!"

"I known ash but he's better now he won't have any more worries."

"What's that supposed to mean?!"

"Ash I didn't mean it like that."

"Well it seemed that way, you're saying I cause all of his worries, what a nice thing to say when I just buried the love of my life!!"

"Ashley please."

"No do you know what Caspar I want to be him right now and I don't need you giving me grief!"

"I didn't mean it please just calm down, people are staring at us."

"Fine I will calm down but well away from you."

"Ash.... Ashley!"

I didn't care anymore.

I hate my life.
I hate myself.
I should be dead.
I wish I died instead of joe.
I was so selfish.
He didn't deserve me.

I need to get out of here. Not just out of London, I mean out of the country. Find something new.

"Mum! Are you okay."
Elena wrapped her loving arms around me and I knew I had something to live for.

And that's it! I've loved creating this book and sharing it with you all and I cried so hard writing this. If you want to read another I have another (can't remember what it's called just go on my profile 😂😂) hope you enjoyed this book and yeah, love you all 💓💜💞💙❤️