Letters to Wes // Wesley Tucker

The last letter.

The last letter .                                       9th march 2017

My dearest love ; Wes .

I made it. I really freaking made it . Words can't describe or explain how happy I am that I did. You can't imagine how happy I actually didn't commit suicide. I would've never thought that I could walk through this horrible , aching and painful chapter of my life , to end up where I am now. But  I guess they were right , when they said that different roads lead to beautiful destinations. These past 6 years of my life , have been the most confusing , painful years that I yet lived through. But I am proud of my old self for being as courageous and strong as she could be and walking through that hell. She wanted so often to give in to her fatal imaginations and just give up , but she didn't . She toughly pulled through . 6 years . 6 years until she ended up in the hospital. The place where she could finally let it all go.

Life was always so confusing , but now ,6 years  later , it all just seems to click. This isn't Karma or 'You deserve that sh*t... This path was actually meant for me to walk through. Because who knows if I would've never walked through this , if I ever ended up being as happy and just like I am right now ..

And when I now look back at it , I am  happy to have walked those 6 year .

6 years of having a depressed mind ,

6 years of crying ,

6 years of losing myself ,

6 years of absolutely hating myself ,

6 years of feeling numb , scared and being anxious all the time..

All those years were in the absolutely worth it . And all those scars , healed or not , that I carry on my arms ; are my pride. They are a sign of my survival . And I couldn't be more proud and happy to show them to the world ; not giving a damn about anyones opinion.

And now onto you my love.

Wes , the day I found  your covers on Youtube , was the day that my heart secretly prayed for. Because it finally found a soul that it could fall completely in love with . Someone that I learned to know and love. And I don't care how cheesy it sounds right now but ; Wesley Finn Tucker ; you are officially the best thing that could've ever happened to me . I can't believe that I got so lucky to come across someone like you .I feel truly blessed.  Because during the past year you were the only reason that I kept going . The only reason that kept me here. The reason why I wanted to get better. The reason I'm as determinated as I am and the reason I'm making such big steps in my recovery . ( low-key crying right now )

I won't ever be able to thank YOU enough for what you've done for me. You have changed me so unbelievably much , in a good way. You give me courage ,strength , love , happiness and confidence . I haven't ever felt so good about myself ,the way I do now. Not even when I was that happy lil muffin.

All I can say is thank you . Thank you so unbelievably much for everything.

You make my heart , soul and mind the happiest it's ever been. #bliss

You are , no doubt , the most amazing ,sweetest and inspiring soul that I had ever had the privilege of meeting .

Wes , you have forever my heart ,love and support.

Love you unconditionally ; always.

With love .

Jil x

p.s I made it.

The end.