Show No Emotion, Feel No Pain...
As I silently closed the door behind me I felt as if my whole world had officially crumbled into tiny pieces and then the pieces exploded into thin ash right in front of my very eyes. I officially had nothing left inside of me to live for. I felt like utter shit. I pushed my feet down the road slowly which felt like I was walking into the shadow of death, words couldn’t explain how much was on my mind right now. I could feel a pounding headache coming any minute now. I got to my car and hopped in then drove straight to my mum’s to pick up my son. All I wanted to do was cuddle with someone and show ALL my emotions, but I couldn’t. I just couldn’t hold it in or take it any longer; it was practically killing me inside. I pulled up outside my mothers and locked my car as I opened the front door with my keys, I walked straight upstairs into the bathroom and composed myself fixing my face and wiping my makeup up then fixing it. I couldn’t look as if something bad happened in case she’d ask questions, knowing she would.
“Mummy is that you?” I heard Kane call out from outside. I nodded stupidly as if he could see me then let out a soft laugh to myself.
“Yes baby I’m coming.” I walked out and lifted him up giving him a big snuggle and kiss on the cheek.
“EWW MUMMY I TOLD YOU NOT TO DO ‘DAT!”
“Oh shhh you, I’m your mother and I’ll do what I please.” I carried him downstairs into the kitchen then realized how heavy he actually was and set him on the counter while standing in front of him.
“Where is grandma?”
“Sleeping.”
“... So why are you running around the house by yourself?” I asked myself aloud by accident thinking this boy wouldn’t reply. He’s too smart for his age.
“No! We were all sleeping then I heard the door and woke up, granny is still asleep.” I nodded and told him to get his stuff together since I didn’t want to disturb my mum. She was most likely really tired to be sleeping this early. I left her a visible note on the fridge and packed up Kane’s things leaving to go home. Finally we could spend some time together as a family, not with anyone to annoy us or be there. Once we got home I made my way into the living room and sprawled out on the chair. I was so tired. Kane laughed at me and began to watch TV quietly by himself. I always wondered about that boy, didn’t he EVER get lonely? He has no brothers and sisters... nothing. I’m yet to ask him that. I felt my phone ringing in my pocket and answered.
“Hello?”
“China, you cool?” I laughed and sighed it relief because it was only Wayne. I really am beginning to enjoy Wayne’s company. He’s a load of fun.
“Yeah I’m fine.” I lied. “How are you?”
“I’m good you know, but I can tell you’re not fine.”
“What are you talking about?”
“You don’t sound okay, China.” I sighed to myself. “I can hear it in your voice, what’s on your mind baby girl?”
“Nothing.” I made clear.
“Tell me.”
“No...”
“So there is something but you just don’t want to tell me?” I rolled my eyes and shook my head at the same time; I just couldn’t win with this boy.
“Yeah, pretty much.”
“Alright then you can tell me tomorrow when we go out.”
“I have Kane now, I can’t.” I told him.
